We will never surrender!

Here beginnith the 34th* lesson this column has offered to the useless sub-editors at The Sydney Morning Herald.

Ready? Please take notes as you observe the image below:

In your superiors’ wisdom, they folioed this page from yesterday’s (Thursday’s) Herald as page three, which is exactly what it was. Page 1 was the front page of the wraparound.

Now, hands up if you can tell why this page 3 above might look more like a front page than the front page itself?

Yes, you, up the back?

That’s right. The masthead on the real front page – page 1 – has more information on it. The price and shit like that. Probably required by law, right? To be on the FRONT PAGE/aka COVER PAGE/aka PAGE ONE! (Yes, subs, we do know that occasionally page 3 is called page one, which must confuse you dearhearts mightily yet is no excuses for your stuff-ups though!)

So, here’s the tricky one? When you are subbing a story that is continued from page 3, where should you say the story is coming from?

Anyone? (Muted voices)

NO! NO! Not page 1! Not the front page! Not the cover page. For the umpteenth and no doubt not the last time, it flows over from PAGE FUCKING THREE!

So who was the dunce of a sub who handled this story on Wednesday night? (silence).

Anyone?

No! Well, once more …. IT’S NOT FROM THE FRONT PAGE! In the history of the printed newspaper, page 3 has never, ever, been called the front or cover page. Except for you klutzes, of course.

All we’ve ever asked you buggers when you plonk your lazy unprofessional arses down for a night shift at the SMH, please – PUHHHLEASSSE – will someone – anyone – just have the smarts to ponder aloud how the next morning’s edition is folioed.

It’s not rocket surgery, is it?

* EDITOR: the 34th lesson is just a guesstimate. It’s sure as hell been a fucking long time!

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