Russian President Vladimir Putin remains dangerously ill in a Moscow hospital (above) after emergency surgery to have US President Donald Trump removed from his rectum.

“It’s still touch and go for our beloved leader,” a Kremlin spokesperson said of the shock outcome of talks between the two leaders. “Most of Trump had wriggled itself inside Mr Putin’s arse before his staff realised how gravely a life-threatening situation President Putin was facing.

“By the time President Trump declared that Russia deserved to keep all the Ukrainian land it had conquered given its massive troop losses to gain that ground and how much Trump admired Putin as a dictator ‘who got things done’, only the tip of his red tie, the bottom half of his trousers and boots were still visible.”

Putin is understood to be lapsing in and out of Russian in the Alexei Navalny Memorial Wing at the Joseph Stalin Purged Generals Hospital just outside the Kremlin’s walls. The damage to most of his digestive tract is said to be substantial as Donald Trump is by no means a small person; well, not physically at least.

A short statement from the United States Surgeon-General said it “beggared belief that Donald Trump was so far up Putin’s arse considering their hour-long meeting was by telephone only”.

“If they had been meeting in person, I have no doubt President Trump would have disappeared completely; he would have been near-on impossible to extract and a truly great world leader and Mr Putin would have both died.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com