WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump has signed further executive orders to enforce new terminology to be used when describing any citizen formerly referred to as LGBTQ.

Speaking at a Make American Great Again rally in Chicago after signing the orders in the Oval Office at the White House earlier in the day, President Trump said his orders would abolish use of descriptors such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer (LGBTQ).

“From now on, instead of that ridiculous alphabet there will be only two types of people in America – straight and un-straight,” Mr Trump said.

“Anyone who previously insisted on using any part of the LGBTQ salad will from today be simply an un-straight American.

“That label is very clear and can even be shortened to USA,” he said, causing the rally crowd to break into a chant of “USA! USA! USA!” until many of them fell silent once they realised what they were saying.

Mr Trump told the crowd he had also signed an executive order to “reclaim” the word “gay” for straight people.

“From today nobody can use ‘gay’ in any context whatsoever that is linked to their sexuality,” he explained.

“The word ‘gay’ is now back where it belongs, in the hands of straight people who can now once again use it to describe themselves whenever they feel light-hearted or carefree,” he said.

The new executive orders were greeted warmly by prominent members of the Republican Party in the US Congress including (main picture left to right) Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor-Greene of Georgia, and Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina.

President Trump sparked more cheers from the Chicago crowd when he told them he was pleased to be back in the state of Illinois.

“This is the first time I’ve been back to Illinois since the November election when I won this state in a landslide,” he said to wild cheers and foot-stamping, ignoring the fact former Vice-President Kamala Harris had won all of the state’s 19 Electoral College votes.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com