FEDERAL POLITICS:

This year’s federal election has been cancelled by the Australian Electoral Commission, saving the nation’s taxpayers close to $200 million if the poll due by mid-May had gone ahead.

“It had become clear to us from monitoring the nation’s mainstream media that Peter Dutton and the LNP were going to win anyway,” AEC deputy commissioner Tori Backer explained in this Bug exclusive.

“At our most recent board meeting, the commissioner surprised us by asking: ‘Does anyone here think Labor’s got a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this thing?’ We all instinctively shook our heads.

“We all knew that all the momentum was with the LNP and the Coalition would most likely gain enough seats to form majority government or at the very least rule comfortably in minority with all the re-elected Teals who are closet Tories anyway.

“The commission has never seen a more unified MSM in its belief that the Albanese government would be a one-termer.

“To reinforce his point, the commissioner then used the big screen to show just what one segment of our national mainstream media was saying about the Albanese government (pictured below)

“And that’s just some of the Sky LNPNews items from barely more than 24 hours. We’re talking some of our nation’s most respected and experienced political journalists and commentators here: Andrew Bolt. Sharri Markson, Peta Credlin, Kieran Gilbert, that Murray chap … the list is almost endless.

“The commissioner then stunned us with this: ‘Seeing we all think Labor is going to poll quite poorly, would Anthony Albanese accept an offer of, say, a guaranteed number of seats that while not enough to even govern in minority with any Greens who get elected, at least would give him and his colleagues a workable and effective Opposition.

“’And if he agreed to that and Peter Dutton was happy to govern in minority, why not save the nation the hundreds of millions of dollars it takes to hold a federal election?'”

The Bug understands the AEC then held secret talks with both Albanese and Dutton and their parliamentary colleagues and a deal was done. Albanese was the first to come on board, aware of the gaffe he would likely make on the first day of campaigning that would end his leadership dreams anyway.

Of the 150 House of Representatives electorates where 76 seats are required for a majority, Labor has agreed to accept a tally of 59 seats, the LNP 67 and the Greens and independents including the Teals 24 seats among them.

“It’s a win-win situation for everyone,” AEC deputy commissioner Tori Backer said. “And the bottom line is that we’ve saved Australian taxpayers several hundred million dollars.”

Further talks are expected to nut out the seats the two major sides of politics will be awarded under the agreement.

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