Two of Newscorpse’s finest righters – Kylie Lang and Danica De Giorgio – have snuck under the wire to jointly win The Bug’s uncoveted Media Glass House Arselicker for December 2024 award.

Our judges were forced to delay the naming of last month’s winners as they sought legal advice as to whether The Courier-Mail’s Kylie Lang could be considered for Arselicker unglory as her winning entry (below) did not appear in print until Wednesday (New Years Day).

But The Bug’s permanently retained defamation and journalism protocols and ethics lawyer, Dickie Shearman, ruled that Lang’s piece could be legally considered because she “created it in her mind and put it into words in late 2024”.

As BUGgers can see from the clip above, in her first two paragraphs of an article supposedly about the PM’s “faux muscle flex” in calling on his Victorian branch to take down an attack ad about Peter Dutton and his wife, Lang, the federal politics expert who loves to right about such matters, managed to declare that the incident “speaks of a government devoid of policies and terrified of being booted out after only one term” and that Albanese is the “weakest PM our country has ever had”.

She ended her anti-Labor, anti-Albanese rant with “Albanese looks like a fool”.

Well licked, Ms Lang, who clearly has no memory whatsoever of the recent prime ministerships of Abbott, Turnbull and Morrison, just for starters, and the near-zillion dollar debt they left Labor after a decade in power. Did someone say RBD (Robodebt)?

Also getting in under the wire with her cloaca-cleansing effort was Sky LNPNews host Danica De Giorgio who slammed the door on any chance of an Anthony Albanese win at the looming federal election with this excoriating effort on the last day of the year!

Ms De Giorgio argued that Albanese had failed the Australian people in five key areas. Who knew she could count that far?

“As the year draws to an end, we still have the accidental Prime Minister in charge. Anthony Albanese…a man who was handed the keys to the lodge, but still, after two years and a half years has no idea how to turn the key and open the door. The reality is – he has failed,” she ranted.

“How will this guy be able to sell us a narrative that he deserves re-election next year?

“Because there is zero evidence as to why he should stay.

“This one-term prime minister has been a failure – and we are paying for it.”

Well licked, Ms De Giorgio. Hope the surgery and after-care for that prolapsed tongue are going okay.

One of our senior Arselicker judges was in awe of the efforts of these two world-class righters, adding: “Editor Chris Jones up at the LNP’s Bowen Hills branch (The Courier-Mail) won’t have to use dunny paper for a week after Kylie’s ring-mastery.

“And you could safely eat a meal off Paul Whittaker’s arse down south at Sky LNPNews for the next week if not month!”

“And the virtual rectal-rimming Kylie and Danica have also given Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch by their efforts will have those Murdoch coits smelling of roses for quite some time.

“I’m in total agreement with my fellow judges that there’s probably not a solitary whiff of shit left in either Murdoch’s entire digestive tract from top to bottom right now! Kylie and Danica have displayed perfect ring-mastery!”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com