CRICKET:

A major player at today’s day-night Test in Adelaide has offered much food for thought on how the pink ball game should be played out.

Peak body, the SAMPSR&HDVA, has issued a plea that regardless of who wins the toss, India should be allowed to open the batting.

“It’s the only way we’re going to see the match last into the fourth and perhaps fifth day,” a spokesperson for the South Australian Meat Pie, Sausage Roll and Hot Dog Vendors Association told The Bug.

“If Australia bats first and gets its expected hundred or so runs total with just about their entire top order horribly out of form, over the hill or totally inexperienced as an opener in Nathan McSweeney’s case, this Test could be over by late on the second day.

“It will mean tonnes of our over-priced and unhealthy fast-food products that are highly perishable will have to be dumped. There’s no way we’re going to be able to flog that much shit somewhere else. We’re not like the people who sell the overpriced beer at the Adelaide Oval… they can always keep kegs of the beer a much-shortened match will mean they won’t be able to flog in those under-filled, pretend schooner-sizes plastic cups.

“So essentially, we’re pleading with the captains – but especially if Pat Cummins wins the toss – to let India bat first.

“They did so in Perth and even with a very average first-innings total, the game at least lasted to the fourth day. It’s our only hope of making a fair quid here, with Jasprit Bumrah expected once again to run through our woeful batting lineup like a dodgy Indian curry.”

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