POLICE ROUNDS:

Police, ambulances and specialised animal handlers from the RSPCA were called to the inner-Sydney offices of News Crap Australia yesterday to subdue a senior Righter after his work colleagues became fearful of his and their own safety.

A spokesperson for NSW Police said a Triple-0 call was received from within The Australian’s newsroom in Holt Street at Surry Hills asking for urgent help to subdue one of News Crap Australia’s most senior Righters, Greg Sheridan, who was roaming the newsroom while ranting and foaming at the mouth. (far right in main picture, actually in any picture)

“The caller took Sheridan’s foaming at the mouth to be a sign of him having rabies and was fearful that newsroom colleagues might be bitten and contract the potentially fatal condition,” the spokesperson said.

“We despatched an ambulance as well as dog handlers from the RSPCA who managed to lasso Mr Sheridan.

“Once he was trussed up by the RSPCA officers and unable to bite anyone, police quizzed others in the newsroom about the incident.

“It appears Mr Sheridan started ranting, roaming the newsroom, and foaming at the mouth as soon as he heard news from the UN meeting in New York at which Australia shifted its previous position and voted with 156 other nations to pass a motion demanding that Israel rapidly end its occupation of the Palestinian Territories, Gaza and the West Bank.

“Others in the newsroom yesterday confirmed the timing of events and we were able to rule out rabies as a risk to those present, although Mr Sheridan did continue to foam at the mouth as he screamed anti-Labor obscenities, singling out Prime Minister Albanese and Foreign Minister Penny Wong as ‘traitors to Israel who should be shot without trial’.

“He then began yelling ‘Brave Bibi, cowardly terrorist-loving Labor has let you down again!’ so the ambos tried to calm Mr Sheridan down by pointing out that the UN resolution had been adopted by 157 votes to eight and that major allies such as the UK, New Zealand, Canada, France, and Germany had also voted in favour.

“That didn’t help at all so they opted to shoot a dart full of the animal tranquilliser Xylazine into him.

“Police then left him curled up and fast asleep in a corner of the newsroom to hopefully sleep it off,” the spokesperson said.

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