THE ABC:

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation is facing legal action by viewers of its news and current affairs programs over the reports aired by its national political lead David Speers.

Brisbane-based plaintiff law firm Ritz Ahruss said it was asking ABC viewers to sign up to the class action.

“We are serious about holding the national broadcaster to account for what we allege are its deliberate efforts to short-change viewers by airing reports by Mr Speers,” a spokesperson for the firm told The Bug.

“We have even signed up a famous American attorney, Austin Pendleton, (below) to lead the class action which we have lodged with the Federal Court of Australia.

“Mr Pendleton was recommended to us because of what we were told were the many star-studded cases he has handled in his career in US courts.

“Unfortunately, we found out too late that the person who told us that was actually referring to Mr Pendleton’s many ‘star stuttered’ cases. But he’s already on a plane heading here so we’ll stick with him as our main counsel.”

The Ritz Ahruss spokesperson said the central claim of the class action was a simple one.

“Just about every night David Speers, as the ABC’s highly paid national political lead, is on screen, on the airwaves, or online rabbiting on about the big political story of the day.

“Unfortunately, and to coin a legal phrase, he talks shit most of the time and merely summarises what ABC consumers have already seen or heard in preceding news items presented by reporters who actually get the stories.

“Why the ABC persists with this arrangement is beyond us. The only explanation we can offer is that the ABC has been wrongly pronouncing Mr Speers’s title.

“Instead of ‘national political lead’ pronounced as ‘leed’, he should be the ‘national political lead’ pronounced as ‘led’ – as in lead in the saddle bags of the ABC.”

Documents lodged with the Federal Court by Ritz Ahruss said those signing up to the class action were seeking compensation for “wasting their time listening and watching Mr Speers and his useless shitty reports which add fuckall to their sum total of political knowledge”.

“We have worked out the amount owing by dividing the ABC’s $1billion budget by the nation’s population, and it’s at least 10 cents a day for every Australian who might join the class action,” the law firm’s spokesperson said.

“In the event of a successful judgement and the awarding of any settlement or damages, and after our firm takes a couple of million to cover its costs, we reckon viewers signed up to the class action should get at least one day’s worth of their money back,” the spokesperson said.

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