The Bug’s world-renowned medical advice columnist turns his attention to the doings in the smallest room in the house.

Dear Doctor Dick

I read with interest a news item citing medical researchers who claim it is dangerous to your health to sit on the toilet for more than 10 minutes. (below)

The US-based doctors say anyone spending more time than that sitting on the loo doing their business raises their risk of suffering haemorrhoids and may weaken their pelvic muscles.

Apparently it’s all to do with your posture and the effects of gravity as well as the constriction in muscles and blood circulation in your backside if you sit too long.

They say that the advent of the smart phone has caused people to spend more time in the smallest room in the house, scrolling through websites and messages or emails, but they are oblivious to the dangers they are creating for themselves.

I was just wondering if you have a view on this issue?

Dee Fecation
Dee Why

Doctor Dick replies:

Dear Dee

Yes, I am aware of the research. In fact I too subscribe to the theory that any individual spending more than the bare minimum on the standard toilet does run the risk of acquiring the ailments you mention.

Although I am not a qualified proctologist I have, to coin a phrase, stuck my nose in the matter over many years.

As a result of my research I have arrived at my own solution to the problem.

My investigations has led me to the conclusion that sitting while shitting is bad, so why not change the design of toilets themselves?

The result has been my own invention which I call the Stool Stool. (main picture)

Instead of sitting down to poo, you can adopt a more casual and more upright posture which avoids the problems noted by the US researchers.

With the Stool Stool there is no reason a user could not spend as long as they like more standing than sitting on it since the risks to their health as they eliminate are themselves eliminated.

In fact I see the possibility of having several Stool Stools installed in public toilets without being walled off from each other.

This would create a distinctly social and sociable atmosphere.

In fact if a private homeowners has the space and money needed, they too could devote an entire room to having a number of Stool Stools installed and instead of avoiding the topic, they could instead throw a party by asking friends over to void together.

The possibilities and health benefits are obvious.

So watch out for my Stool Stool when it reaches the market. I reckon it’s bound to be a surefire shit. I mean, hit.

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