US ELECTION DAY:

Donald Trump has started election day in the US with an emotional and candid personal message to voters.

Americans this morning heard Trump confess to having deliberately misled them with his persistent but false claims of having had the 2020 election stolen from him.

“I regret the actions I have taken over the past four years – especially the hate-filled lies I have told and the divisions I have caused – and I am seeking your forgiveness,” said an emotional Trump who appeared without his elaborate blonde wig and without his usual orange spray-on tan.

“I am especially remorseful about the actions I took, or more correctly didn’t take, on 6 January 2021,” he said, referring to encouragement he gave to fuel the deadly armed insurrection at the US Capitol and his failure on the day to swiftly defuse it.

“I had no basis to encourage my supporters to attempt to subvert our nation’s Constitution by trying to overturn certification of the 2020 election result. I now apologise to Mike Pence and others for putting their lives in danger.

“I now take this opportunity to declare that Joe Biden – a lovely, lovely man who has been a great President – won the 2020 election and soundly beat me.

“I have only myself to blame for that. I was an erratic, terrible President, well out of my depth. I had no idea what I was doing when I was in the White House and I should never be let near the Oval Office ever again.

“Whatever I can do to bring our nation back together I will do, because I am the one who has torn it apart.

“I am not sure how I can ever make amends to the American people, especially those who believed in me only because I exploited them and told them lie after lie after lie.

“The only way I can think of right now is to urge Americans who haven’t voted yet to cast their vote for our Vice-President Kamala Harris.

“She deserves to win today. She is the better candidate. She is better qualified to be President, and when she wins she will have my total support,” Trump said before adding that following Ms Harris’s victory today he would withdraw entirely from public life.

Then he added as an afterthought: “By the way none of those hard-working Haitians in Springfield, Ohio is eating dogs or cats.”

At that point a bell that had started ringing quietly in the background shortly after the former President began speaking, suddenly grew louder.

The bell then became so loud that it woke Americans from their sleep at which point they realised that Trump’s speech to them had all been a dream and that the dumpster fire of a nation he had helped create was still a sad reality all around them.

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