WASHINGTON DC: Donald Trump says he is saving a lot of time and trouble as well as democracy by having himself sworn in as America’s 47^th President before the polls open on election day late tonight Australian time.

“It’s inevitable that I was going to win this election just as I did in 2020 so why shouldn’t I be sworn in before krazy kommunist Kamala and the Dumocrats steal it from me again,” Mr Trump said shortly after taking the presidential oath of office at the US Capitol in Washington DC.

Mr Trump said his first act as President was to retrospectively appoint Jacob Chansley, the far-right conspiracy theorist who was labelled the “QAnon Shaman” after invading the Capitol on 6 January 2021, as Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court.

“That allowed him to swear me in before election day rather than wait until January (main picture) which has saved a lot of time and expense.

“Chief Justice Shaman made up his own oath which for the most part I repeated, although I couldn’t yell as loudly as he did.

“But I could do that little dance I do to the tune of YMCA by the Village People which as my first act as President I’ll be making our new national anthem.

“My other first act as President will be to make my little dance a formal part of presidential inaugurations, so at least I’ll have some practice at it before 2028 and 2032 when my third and fourth terms roll around.”

Mr Trump said being inaugurated before the polls opened and almost a full day before election results were likely to be known was a surefire way to save American democracy.

“Kooky korrupt Kamala is determined to steal this election. She wants to steal the White House by not being fairly and squarely elected like I will be,” he said.

“There is nothing she won’t do or say, no lie she won’t tell, to win on Tuesday.

“But by being inaugurated before the polls open I have prevented her ruthless attack on our democracy,” he said.

Mr Trump said his first act as President would be to order immediate renovations to the White House.

“I want to ensure that the White House once again reflects the dignity and purpose I’ll bring to the office of President,” he said while showing an artist’s impression of how the building would look after its planned makeover. (below)

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com