Brisbane-based impresario Vince Agarol has lambasted the AFL for “flushing money down the toilet” by reportedly paying US singer Katy Perry $5 million to sing five songs at yesterday’s grand final at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

Mr Agarol is best known as the composer of the as-yet unproduced rock opera Poo Jogger telling the story of Brisbane’s notorious “Poo Jogger” who was caught in 2018 after repeatedly defecating on southside Brisbane suburban driveways.

He said the AFL should have preferenced a local entertainer like himself who could do the job at a fraction of the price supposedly paid for Perry.

“I’ve repeatedly put myself forward to be the official entertainer at numerous grand finals of various sporting codes, yet all I get is knockbacks,” a fuming Mr Agarol said.

“I keep writing every year to the AFL, the NRL, and other sports offering my services but I suspect they all just wipe their arses with my requests which itself takes a lot of effort because I email.

“This year I even built a special Poomobile (main picture) built from scratch out of chicken wire and real faeces.

“Even taking into account the blowflies, it easily outshines the outsized chromed dildo Katy Perry rode around on yesterday at the MCG.”

Mr Agarol said instead of “wasting $5 million on an imported Yank songbird” the AFL could have used Saturday’s AFL grand final to showcase five of the songs he had written for his Poo Jogger musical.

“If I got the gig I would have opened with a moving love ballad called My Fart Will Go On which I wrote in homage to the theme song from the blockbuster movie Titanic,” he said.

“Then I’d shift to something more upbeat like On Your Drive Again which always provokes just as much toe-tapping as the Willie Nelson favourite on which it’s based, On the Road Again.

“My Poo Jogger set would also include my tribute version of the Lerner and Lowe favourite On the Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady followed by a song of mine How Do You Solve a Problem Like Diarrhoea? based on Rodgers and Hammerstein’s  How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? from Sound of Music.

“My big finale would have been Portaloo, subject of course to the resolution of the ongoing litigation between me and the Swedish super-group ABBA,” Mr Agarol said.

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