Mayor of the Ohio city of Springfield, Joe Quimby, (main picture) has distanced himself from Donald Trump following the former US President’s false and racist attacks on local Haitian immigrant workers.

“I was always a fan of Donald Trump,” Mayor Quimby said. “After all we’ve got a lot in common.

“I’m a notorious womaniser. I’m a morally bankrupt, embezzling politician who’ll say or do anything no matter how outrageous or plainly untrue it is.

“Oh and I’m bordering on being morbidly obese. The only thing I haven’t got is his architecturally designed hair.

“Yet even I baulk at his latest outburst about local people snacking on local family pets such as cats and dogs.

“It’s not even true, and Chief of Police Clancy Wiggum assures me nothing like that has ever happened here, except for the time Moe Szyslak at Moe’s Tavern was fined for selling burgers made from roadkill,” Mayor Quimby said.

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Former President Trump has announced plans to visit Springfield, Ohio, the town where he claims Haitian immigrants are eating the cats and dogs of local families.

When asked if he planned to hold an election rally in Springfield, Mr Trump quickly ruled out the possibility.

“No, no. The trip’s not about having a rally,” he said. “It’s just that I’ve been speaking so much about the place and I just want to go there and grab me some pussy while I can.”

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After days of criticism, the Murdoch media’s national broadshit The Australian has defended one of its most prolific Righters, Greg Sheridan, (below) and his  analysis of last week’s debate between former US President Donald Trump and Vice-President Kamala Harris.

In an assessment published online immediately after the debate ended Sheridan declared that Trump had won the encounter “by a short half-head”.

After enduring several days of reader backlash, The Australian’s editor-in-chief Michelle Gunn finally spoke out this morning saying she could easily explain the Sheridan analysis.

“Greg should not be criticised for the analysis of the debate we published straight after the debate,” Ms Gunn said.

“After all he had written and filed it the day before so how was he to know how the Vice-President would do so well and our guy, …. I mean, former President Trump would do so badly,” she said.

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