“Please don’t give up yet! There’s still a long way to go in September so have faith in your creativity and your steadfast commitment to journalism non-excellence!”

That’s the advice from The Bug’s Media Glass House Arse-Licker-of-the-Month judges after newsrooms around the nation were abuzz with talk that The Australian’s Greg Sheridan already has the September trophy in his keeping after only day two of the month with a coital cleansing rimtastic piece in the national broadshit and a back-up appearance on SkyLNP News Australia.

In both forums, The Australian’s foreign editor found monstrous fault with US Vice President Kamala Harris’ CNN interview. That her ‘empty words are an insult to US voters and democracy’.
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“I thought Harris’ interview with CNN was truly bizarre – I mean she’s not suffering cognitive decline like Joe Biden,” Sheridan told Sky LNPNews Australia as he regurgitated his column words full of ringmastery and cloacal-cleansing brilliance.

“No one has used more words to say nothing and the sort of word salad, the word confetti, out of her interview has become a meme, it’s become viral.”

“Every centre-right talk show in America – indeed around the world – is mocking her performance.”

And that’s not even the core reason why our Arse-Licker judges completely understand why other mainstream media arse-lickers – and, no, they’re not all just in Newscorpse! – might see their September chances dashed.

“In his article, Sheridan has written that Harris embodies the serious, hopefully temporary, decline of America’s political culture,” one of our judges explained.

“He clearly thinks this temporary decline will be halted if his hero Donald Trump wins the November presidential race. Shit, the more I think about it …maybe other Arse-Licker contenders are right to give this month a miss!

“Sheridan attacks Harris for her word-salads yet Trump is sending his MAGA supporters to the exits early at rally after rally with hour-long (or more) moronic, muddled, meanderings from a clearly mentally unstable and/or demented mind, including the idea that kids are going to school and returning home with the telltale stitches from gender-changing operations they were forced to have.

“Here are speech after speech pushing the usual lies, including the central ones that he won the 2020 election but had that win stolen from him by sinister forces, that if he doesn’t win this year it will mean a corrupt system has stolen that win from him yet again and if so we can all expect another assault by true-blue American patriots on the capitol, and hinting from time to time that civil war would be the likely outcome – there will be blood on the streets and proud boys stand ready! – of any decision by Americans not to do the right thing and return him to the White House.

“This blustering, blithering, bulling moron who thinks he’s a genius – this pathological liar who was an absolutely self-centred, lazy and incompetent president who hated workers and showered his billionaire mates with unaffordable tax cuts and who was anti-climate change and anti-environmental protections – is the man Greg Sheridan thinks is the answer to America’s problems and who will quickly achieve lasting world peace once his dictator mate Vladimir Putin rightfully gets Ukraine back in the Russian fold and NATO is well and truly put in its place.

“On second thoughts, maybe we should engrave the September Arse-Licker trophy with his name now.

“The Murdochs must marvel at the arse-licking shit that pours effortlessly from his word processor day after day, week after week, year after year.”

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