ARSELICKER OF THE MONTH AWARD:

Judges deciding on Australia’s most prestigious monthly journalism award, The Bug’s  Arselicker of the Month Award, have disclosed they made the unprecedented move to enlist the advice of two highly qualified outside professionals before finally deciding the winner of the trophy for August.

A spokesperson for the judges said they had given the Janet Albrechtsen Perpetual Trophy for August to The Australian’s Washington DC correspondent, Adam Creighton. (far right but at left in main picture).

“The Bug recently alluded to Adam’s arselicking accomplishments by citing the many pieces he has regularly penned for News Crap Australia’s national broadshit rimming the wide floppy ginger coit of far-right US presidential candidate Donald Trump which in turn sees him effectively lick clean the wrinkled butt of his own far-right boss, dollar-sniffer, and Trump backer, Rupert Murdoch,” the source said.

“Adam has been a standout success when it comes to arselicking. For example, just in the past few days he has penned two more columns (below) that helped to seal the award for August for him.

“Both columns yet again denigrated the Democratic Party and its presidential nominee, Vice-President Kamala Harris – you know her, she’s the candidate for US President that hasn’t attempted to violently overturn democracy, tear up the Constitution, steal an election, and have her own 2IC killed in the process.

“Both columns also yet again boosted the Republican Party and the malignant, barely sentient, self-centred, crooked, racist, cheating, sexist, corrupt lump of Fanta flesh that passes for its candidate.”

The source said while the Creighton columns were textbook examples of cloaca cleaning, members of the judging panel wanted to clarify some key points before making their final decision.

“The judges sought the confidential advice of a highly qualified ethicist from a leading Australian university who asked to remain anonymous,” the source said.

“The judges were well aware that the Arselicker of the Month is an award for journalism, so they asked the ethicist to clarify if Creighton’s output was actually journalism.

“I can’t reveal the full details of the report the ethicist supplied to the judges, but apparently there was enough wriggle room for Creighton to get the gong.

“The second highly qualified professional whose advice was sought by the judges was a leading sleep specialist from a major hospital in Sydney.

“That might sound slightly unusual, but some of the judges, while recognising Creighton’s undisputed talent as a far-right human enema, were simply curious to know how he sleeps at night,” the source said.

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