CANBERRA: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has used an impromptu media call this morning in front of The Lodge (above) to launch a blistering attack on his Israeli counterpart in which he demanded that Benjamin Netanyahu “cease immediately his murderous genocide in Gaza”.

Albanese demanded that Netanyahu pull his troops immediately out of Gaza and the West Bank and allow Palestinians to live peacefully in those two enclaves – their sacred lands – as demanded by international law!”

Wearing for the occasion a long-haired wig and a white tea-shirt as a tribute to the time when he was a firebrand young, pro-Palestinian leftie with principles, Albanese also called on the United States to stop arming “Netanyahu’s despicable and unlawful regime until it saw reason”.

He was flanked by Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles and Foreign Minister Penny Wong, who repeatedly called out “Hear! Hear!” at each of the 24 times Albanese used the word ‘genocide’ to explain what was taking place in the Middle East. Other senior minsters in the background shouted “He’s back!” as Albanese made his case.

Albanese told the assembled media throng: “Australia was one of the few countries that rightly listed Hamas as a terrorist organisation because its stated goal is the total annihilation of the Israeli state.

“Yet over the nine months since last October, Israel through the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent Gazans – mainly women and children – and largely razing Gaza to the ground has clearly shown it is determined to exterminate Palestinians from Israel.

“Netanyahu has stated categorically he is opposed to a two-state solution as the only way to end conflict in that country and I know Richard and Penny here now share my view as to how pathetic it was for the three of us to keep calling for a two-state solution when none is clearly possible.”

At that point, Penny Wong rushed forward and gave her leader a big hug, adding that even though she was a long way away from Israel, she now clearly saw what Netanyahu’s plan was – to push Gazans out into Egypt and West Bank residents east across the Jordan River – and populate the areas with Israelis instead.

“Calls for a two-state solution as the only answer there were always a nonsense and I accept that now, even though I do remain a long way away and it does remain very hard to see things clearly.

“I guess we should be thankful at least that Israel will allow some Palestinians to remain in Gaza because the Israeli settlers living in the countless kibbutzes coming to that strip will need maids, other servants, gardeners and pool boys who can all live in slums over in the west.”

Marles also stepped forward, his eyes full of tears as he pledged to stop being a Zionist cunt.
Albanese also promised those days were behind him too.

“You know, with so many of our seats at risk in the cities’ outer suburbs with high Muslim populations, I’ve never understood why we cared so fucking much about areas such as Bondi in inner-Sydney and parts of inner-Melbourne we’re never going to win in a month of Sundays.”

At this point in the media conference, media crews were forced to switch on their camera lights as thousands of flying pigs moved slowly overhead at low altitude, turning day to night.

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