The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

Here’s one for the “intro that sounded like a good idea at the time” category.

Nine News Queensland on Tuesday night had a short, sharp, story – courtesy of some vision provided by the home owner – of a couple of young offenders using a doggie door (at top) to enter that home and steal jewellery.

So how did newsreader Andrew Lofthouse kick off the yarn? “Two thieves will certainly be in the doghouse tonight after breaking into a Park Ridge home in the middle of the day..”

Here’s the thing, Andrew, for you and whoever wrote that nonsense for you. Coming through that doggie flap door put those young and rather thin crims in an actual house, not a dog house. They then left that house and our best guess is that, if the home indeed has a dog house in its yard somewhere, our thieves didn’t crawl into it!

Perhaps you were suggesting that they were now in the “judicial system” dog house after their shameful criminal activities? But as the story explained, they haven’t been caught yet for their daylight robbery.

As far as we know, they haven’t told their mothers what dreadful little criminal pricks they are and as for the way things stood that night, they were probably pretty pleased with themselves over their haul.

So, yes, we’ve put it in the “intro that sounded like a good idea at the time” category that when it’s all boiled down to its basics, doesn’t make a helluva lot of sense.

***

The online news outfit InQueensland continues to boast about the quality of its independent platform and the calibre of its writers.

But here’s a little example of shoddy journalism they need to correct if they want to be taken as seriously as they hope to be.

Below is how the site’s home page touted a story about how AFL legend Michael Voss and a cafe owner took chase after a couple of car thieves.

Here’s the problem. Voss managed to grab one of the thieves. The story made in clear that the other thief escaped over a fence and at the time of reporting was still on the run.

We at Mediocre Bytes think that if whoever prepares and uploads the home-page plugs for the InQueensland site has any basic journalism skills whatsoever, it would include being able to read the yarn first and get the basic facts right.

Facts still matter in journalism, right?

***

Back to Nine News Queensland briefly. We forgot to snare this one some days ago but we’re pretty sure Queensland’s Attorney General Yvette D’Ath was captioned as the state’s health minister.

Close but no cigar. And our apologies up front if the fading eyes of our bitter, washed-up, old hacks who compile this column, got that wrong. They tried to review past bulletins on 9now to double check that but it just took too bloody long with all those ads they inflict on viewers between segments. A lot of those ads are to plug Nine shows so, seeing there’s not a quid in it for them, you really do wonder why do they bother seeing they’re so fucking annoying anyway.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com