Chinese Government officials have warned that some Australia politicians risk provoking a war between the two nations.

“We are especially concerned at the moment about news reports in Australia that a planned federal parliamentary inquiry will be used by Liberal and National Party MPs to attack the Bunnings hardware chain for alleged price gouging,” a spokesperson for China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping (main picture) said.

“Let there be no mistake, Bunnings is Chinese sovereign territory and we will always defend our Motherland and our economic interests when and if they are attacked.”

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Peter Dutton (below) has responded to claims by Treasurer Jim Chalmers who called him “the most divisive leader of a major political party in Australia’s modern history”.

Delivering the John Curtin Oration in Melbourne on Monday night, Mr Chalmers said Mr Dutton was entirely focussed on starting culture wars, dog whistling, and dividing Australians.

“It is the only plank in his political platform. He divides deliberately, almost pathologically,” Mr Chalmers said. “He is the most divisive leader of a major political party in Australia’s modern history – and not by accident, by choice.”

Asked to comment on the Treasurer’s remarks, Mr Dutton said: “It’s highly unusual for someone like Jim to draw attention to the good work and successes of a political opponent but I thank him for his comments nonetheless.”

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The Sutherland Shire Council in Sydney’s south is considering a radical response to the weekend’s horrific stabbing incident at Engadine in which six people were injured.

“We really need to reinforce the good name of Engadine to show people the weekend horror does not define the suburb,” a council spokesperson said.

“So we are considering asking Scott Morrison to return to Maccas and shit himself again. (below)

“It’ll be a public event open to all and covered by the media this time and we hope it will restore the area’s good name.”

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