AVIATION:

Qantas-owned Jetstar is understood to have struck upon a “water-tight” defence against a class action launched this week seeking refunds and damages for passengers whose flights were cancelled during the COVID pandemic.

A senior Jetstar source said the company’s managers were initially thrown into a panic when news of the Federal Court class action broke.

“They didn’t know how to respond at all,” the company insider said. “They were running around like headless chooks with many bemoaning the fact that the entire management team lacked the type of self-interested, shifty, cold-blooded, hard-nosed weaselly bastard needed to fight a case like this.

“Then someone suggested they contact an obscure Dublin-based aviation consultant Joyce Alan (below) and that’s been a definite turning point.

“Ms Alan has laid out a clear plan to fight the claims being made against Jetstar.

“For a start she’s recommended a line of defence that turns a negative into a positive.

“She says Jetstar should use the fact that it has a reputation for cancelling so many flights, not just in the pandemic, that it really isn’t an airline.

“So under consumer law how can alleged ‘airline passengers’ sue it for a refund of ‘air fares’ if it doesn’t take to the air? That’s water-tight! Brilliant!

“Ms Alan also recommended an immediate rebranding of the Jetstar fleet with a more appropriate corporate slogan. (main picture)

“She has also recommended a positive publicity campaign by remaking Jetstar’s original TV ads with Magda Szubanski (below) but with one minor tweak.

“Ms Alan insisted that Magda does not reproduce the star jump she performed in the original ads, otherwise it may legally indicate a promise to take off.

“Ms Alan’s advice has been a godsend and her fee of $9.26 million seems to me to be well worth it,” the Jetstar insider said.

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