US Supreme Court takes poll position

US political and legal observers say shifts in opinion polls favouring Vice-President Kamala Harris in the US presidential race may be behind several new 6/3 majority decisions by the US Supreme Court that seemingly favour Republican Party nominee, former President Donald Trump.

Chief Justice John Roberts handed down the rulings which have surprised legal experts because they were issued despite no relevant cases having come before the court requiring decisions.

“Hey, we’re just a forward-thinking court. What can I say?” Chief Justice Roberts said.

He went on to outline the string of new majority rulings that include retrospectively and prospectively clearing Donald Trump of any wrongdoing of any description on any matter whatsoever for as long as he lives.

Other new majority decisions include the barring of any individual not named Trump being elected as US President, confirming as unconstitutional moves by President Joe Biden to reform the court, and totally outlawing abortion while legalising lynching.

The Chief Justice said there had been considerable debate among the court’s nine justices about the majority rulings.

“For instance, the three dissenting judges felt they should have been told the matters were being considered by the court, so that they might have contributed to discussion leading to the  final rulings,” he said. “But I decided that was just going to delay things.

“However, as a result of their unseemly activism on the bench I can confirm that I will be examining the backgrounds of the three dissenting justices.

“Some of those three have foreign heritage – from parents who may well have been immigrants – and at least one of them has decided to be black, so they may well fall under President-Going-To-Be-Re-Elected Trump’s criteria for mass deportations.

“If further investigations prove that’s not the case then I’m happy to have the court say it doesn’t matter and the three should be thrown off the bench and out of the country anyway.

“Of course the decision will be put in very legalistic terms, with a fair bit of Latin thrown in,” he said.

Chief Justice Roberts would not be drawn on the modification of the Supreme Court’s longstanding motto above its main entrance which had previously read “Equal justice under law”. (below)

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