Marles make it crystal clear

CANBERRA: The Albanese Government has moved to assure Australians about the integrity of the nation’s defence and security systems following arrests of a couple in Brisbane on charges of spying for Russia.

Deputy Prime Minister and Defence Minister, Richard Marles, assembled a cross-section of employees of the Defence Department, the Federal Police, and domestic spy agency ASIO at Parliament House to help settle public concerns. (main picture)

“The people behind me are true blue Australians working for Australians and our nation’s interests,” Mr Marles said.

He went on to describe the alleged espionage committed by the Russian-born couple – including a woman serving as a private in the Australian Army – as “an anomaly that has been interdicted by surveillance undertaken by our own espionage experts”, although he took several minutes to enunciate each of the words “anomaly”, “interdicted”, surveillance’, and “espionage”.

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MELBOURNE: Controversial Victorian building union head John Setka has quit in the face of public attacks on him and his character.

An emotional Mr Setka, formerly secretary of the state branch of the CFMEU for the past 12 years, said “relentless” media stories about him were the prime reason for his decision.

“I’m always portrayed as a ‘hard man’ and ‘union thug’ but people don’t understand I am really fragile as a petal and they don’t appreciate how hurtful those naughty people in the media can be when they print or broadcast criticisms of me,” he said with his voice shaking and while wiping tears from his eyes.

Mr Setka said he had no plans for his immediate future but would now be able to devote more time to his favourite hobbies of cake decorating, jazz ballet, and Japanese flower arranging or ikebana. (below)

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PARIS: The International Olympic Committee (IOC) says it is satisfied with the water quality of the River Seine which is set to host the opening ceremony and several events at the 2024 Games starting in little more than a fortnight.

An IOC official said both athletes and spectators should have no concerns about the cleanliness of the river despite reports of high levels of E.Coli bacteria and various forms of industrial and human waste being present.

“Competitors in the Olympic triathlon have been especially worried about the water quality,” the official said.

“But I can assure them that they will have no trouble completing all three legs of the spectacular event including its 10 km run, 40 km cycle stage, and the 1500 merde swim in the Seine.”

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