MEDIA NEWS:

Chris Jones, editor of News Crap Australia’s Brisbane daily turdbloid The Courier-Mail, has quit and is flying to Canada to begin work with the famous contemporary circus company Cirque du Soleil.

The circus group known for its lavish themed shows said it was pleased that Mr Jones had agreed so quickly to sign an open-ended contract to appear as a contortionist in its international touring productions.

“We discovered Chris’s unique talents as a contortionist (main picture) by reading The Courier-Mail’s Wednesday edition which mercilessly attacked the Queensland Premier Steven Miles and his Labor Party government for promising to build a bridge to Bribie Island, yet ignored the opposition LNP’s promise to do the same,” a Cirque du Soleil spokesperson said. (below)

“Even our best contortionists were astounded at what talents Chris must possess to effectively declare it’s okay for the LNP to promise a bridge but when Labor promises one it’s ‘pork barrelling’.

“But then it got better. The Courier chose to run a line from the opposition’s deputy leader critical of the Labor Government for not backing the LNP’s promise at the 2020 election to build a bridge yet totally ignored his comments that appeared in other news outlets re-committing his party to building a bridge to Bribie! (below)

“Jarrod Bleijie said the LNP ‘will build a bridge to Bribie’ and ‘give residents the confidence and security of a second bridge’. Yet those words never appeared in the Courier’s coverage.

“But wait! It got even better! The Courier-Mail for some bizarre reason claimed that for the same $700 million price of the bridge each Bribie island resident could instead be given $34,000.

“So its supposedly a bribe or waste of $34,000 per capita when Labor builds a bridge but no doubt it would be a $34,000 gift when the LNP does it.

“When our own existing contortionists were shown the The Courier-Mail stories and were advised of the LNP’s identical promise they quit on the spot saying: ‘Sorry, but we can’t match that.’

“That’s when we picked up the phone to poach Chris Jones and his unique talents,” the spokesperson said.

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