An opinion piece on the UK election penned by Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has been seized on by the Conservative Party of embattled Prime Minister Rishi Sunak as proof the party can be re-elected at the 4 July poll.

His Lordship’s commentary on the British election, which most pundits predict the Labour Party will win in a landslide, appeared earlier this week in printed form in The Australian. (below)

Lord Downer pens a semi-regular column for the national broadshit which – as he himself says – “gives the nation, nay the world, the benefit of [his] accumulated wisdom”.

As is tradition, His Lordship hosted an invitation-only reading of his column in the purpose-built Fishnet Auditorium at his family seat Pout House in the Adelaide Hills on the eve of its publication.

The evening began as usual with yet another performance of His Lordship’s original and by now well-known two-hour tableau vivant featuring naked Pout House staff which tells the tragic story of his daughter Lady Georgina Downer’s inability to be appointed to the Australian Parliament. (main picture)

Following the performance, Lord Downer took to the stage to read his commentary piece from a printed vellum parchment held by naked houseboys (below) whom he thanked for their patience during what he described as seemingly endless afternoon rehearsals which had enabled him to polish his oral skills.

Before giving the audience the priceless gift of both his insights and oratory, he explained that as Australia’s greatest foreign minister and as a former plenipotentiary to the Court of St James he was uniquely placed to forecast the outcome of the UK election.

He went on to tell the audience that the Conservative Party “from winning 365 seats in the 650-seat House of Commons under Boris Johnson not five years ago … will struggle to win 100 seats next month”.

His Lordship also confidently predicted that “Rishi Sunak is about to be evicted from No.10 by an angry electorate”.

When contacted by reporters after His Lordship’s oration, a spokesperson for Mr Sunak at 10 Downing Street was surprisingly elated and excited by Lord Downer’s prognostications.

“He’s the knob who said Putin would never invade Ukraine isn’t he? Fantastic! We’re back baby! We’re back!” he yelled before dropping the phone and audibly dancing around his office breaking “the good news” to colleagues.

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