OXYGEN THIEVES:

Disgraced former Nine Network chair, Peter Costello, is believed to be fielding a number of potentially lucrative investment and job offers.

Associates of the disgraced former federal treasurer have told The Bug that Mr Costello was seeking “new challenges”.

The disgraced former deputy leader of the disgraced federal Liberal Party resigned as Nine Entertainment chair after being exposed as telling barefaced porkies about his physical confrontation with a News Crap Australia journalist at Canberra Airport last week.

Among the new ventures Mr Costello is considering is a proposal from disgraced former prime minister and former leader of the disgraced federal Liberal Party, Scott Morrison, for the pair to produce a line of soft toys called The Smirks. (main picture)

“Peter likes the idea of working with Scott, mainly because he feels a certain synergy with a fellow arrogant, right-wing, talentless, narcissistic, bloviating, flabby-faced, barefaced lying bullshit artist,” one associate said.

“Unfortunately major toy wholesalers have so far not agreed to market the new toys and the window for making a killing in the Christmas toy market is fast closing.

“Discussions are continuing and the wholesalers have asked Peter and Scott to rework their suggested slogans for the toys: ‘How good are Smirks?’ and ‘Buy one for mum, one for dad, and one for the country’,” the associate said.

Mr Costello has also been approached to become a professional rugby league player with the Melbourne Storm club.

“The shoulder charge Costello performed to flatten that journo from The Australian is not the reason club officials are keen to sign him,” a club spokesperson said.

“They actually loved his total denial of any wrongdoing on his part, despite the fact every man and their dog could see he was guilty as hell from the vision the journo recorded of the incident. That’s the sort of duplicitous behaviour we want to see and encourage in our players.”

The Melbourne Storm spokesperson said if Costello signed he would be immediately announced as the captain of the club’s future NRLW side now in its planning stages.

“He’s a world-class liar but that shoulder charge was a bit pissweak to be honest,” the spokesperson said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com