MIAMI, FL: Former President Donald Trump has given his official response to the guilty verdicts handed down to him in his New York hush-money trial.

At a news conference in the grounds of his Mar-a-Lago resort and residence in Miami, a naked Mr Trump first wiped his backside with the 34 Manhattan Criminal Court documents detailing the guilty verdicts against him for falsifying business records.

He then proceeded to lie down and stuff the documents in his ample orange butt crack before setting fire to them. (main picture)

Speaking at reporters once the documents had turned to ashes he said: “I’m gonna do the same to the US Constitution when I’m elected in November because between the stolen 2020 election and my fake trial orchestrated by sleepy, syphilitic, sex-pest Joe Biden our Constitution doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

Opinion polls taken immediately following the news conference showed a significant jump in voter support for Mr Trump.

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TOWNSVILLE: Some Townsville City Council officials are questioning the local media’s role in enabling the election in March of Troy Thompson as the city’s new Mayor.

Cr Thompson has been under pressure to resign as civic leader of the garrison city since being exposed as having misrepresented key aspects of his military service record by wrongly claiming he had spent five years in the Army including time as an SAS officer.

He also misrepresented his academic qualifications by stating he had two university degrees when the truth was he had started both courses but had never graduated.

A senior Townsville City Council source who did not wish to be identified said: “I can’t help but think that if our local regional media hadn’t been diminished over many years by cuts to jobs and resources, the claims by Thompson (pictured below during the March council election campaign) might have been exposed a lot earlier.”

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Former Liberal Party ministerial staffer Bruce Lehrmann has outlined his reasons for conducting his own appeal against a Federal Court decision that dismissed his defamation claims but found he had on the balance of probabilities raped fellow staffer Brittany Higgins.

Speaking exclusively to The Bug, the former law student said he felt confident in conducting his appeal.

“I learned a lot from my defamation trial,” he said. “Perhaps the biggest lesson was not to ever initiate a defamation action.

“The second lesson was not to pay shiny arsed lawyers a couple of grand a day.”

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