SYDNEY: Columnist for News Crap Australia’s national turdbloid The Australian, Gerard Henderson, remains in a private hospital in Sydney (main picture) after colleagues concerned for his wellbeing had him admitted yesterday immediately following publication of his latest weekly Media Watch Dog column in the paper’s online edition.

A source within The Australian’s newsroom who did not wish to be identified said Henderson collapsed after screaming incoherently when he read his column as soon as it was uploaded to the newspaper’s website.

“It seems Gerard counted up the individual items in his column and found that of the total 12 only eight contained attacks on the ABC, or ABC programs, or ABC presenters,” the source said.

“He began muttering about letting down Rupert and the Murdoch family’s goal of wiping out the ABC to enhance News Crap’s commercial and their personal financial positions.

“Gerard was so agitated at this slip in his usual obsequious standards that others in the newsroom feared he might do something drastic, so they called an ambulance and paramedics arrived and sedated him before rushing him to hospital where thankfully he remains critical – highly critical … of the ABC – so he should be back at work tomorrow,” the source said.

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TEL AVIV: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has rejected demands by political rival Benny Gantz who has threatened to withdraw from the war cabinet directing the war against Hamas in Gaza.

Mr Gantz, the leader of the National Unity Party and former general in the Israeli Defence Force (IDF), joined the war cabinet established after the deadly October 2023 attacks and the taking of Israeli hostages by Hamas.

His six-point plan aims to secure the return of remaining hostages, the demobilization of Hamas, demilitarization of the Gaza Strip, and the creation of a new administration of Gaza that would not include Hamas nor the current leadership of the Palestinian Authority.

He has warned Netanyahu that “if you choose the path of fanatics and lead the entire nation to the abyss, we will be forced to quit the government”.

Speaking in the IDF’s operations room where he was personally planning attacks on the heavily populated Rafah area, Mr Netanyahu said it was a simple choice for him to reject all of Mr Gantz’s proposals.

“Only part of his statement – nowhere near all of it – mentions the October attacks by Hamas so it’s clearly antisemitic and by extension so is he. So good riddance,” Mr Netanyahu said while choosing IDF bombing targets by throwing darts at a map of southern Gaza.

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NEW YORK: A misty-eyed former prime minister, Scott Morrison, has paid tribute to his beloved Cronulla NRL side while signing copies of his new religious tome, Plans For Your Good: A Prime Minister’s Testimony of God’s Faithfulness in a small Christian bookstore in midtown Manhattan overnight.

Speaking after watching Cronulla hold off a determined Sydney Roosters outfit during Brisbane’s magic round at Suncorp Stadium on Saturday (2am last Wednesday week, eastern USA time), Mr Morrison said: “I may not be their number one seat holder or fan any more but my heart, body and soul will always be with my beloved Cronulla Stingrays.”

“With my extensive promotional duties for my latest best-seller, I don’t get to watch as many Cronulla Seahorses games live as I would like.”

“I’m not a gambling man but don’t discount a NRL premiership this year for the Cronulla Snappers.”

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