It would be very, very, easy for the washed up, old, hacks who compile this column to be very upset indeed about Nine News Queensland’s total disregard for their sound and professional advice.

We’ve lost count of the number of times we’ve pleaded with those in charge at that newsroom to get rid of the novelist who writes their pre-6pm bulletin touts …. well, if those news editors had any real interest in preserving any image they might desire as a professional and competent news service, that is.

This fiction-writing touter was at it again late on Tuesday afternoon, bombarding the breaks in the early 4pm Nine news service and Tipping Point Australia with news of a BUDGET NIGHT BOMBSHELL! As in…. “Today’s federal budget BOMBSHELL explained!”

Depending on the size of your TV, this claim was perhaps the equivalent of a 800 point tabloid heading. Maybe 1600 point on superior models.

So, once news readers Andrew Lofthouse and Melissa Downes kicked off the 6pm bulletin, was there any mention whatsoever of a .. wait for it …. BUDGET NIGHT BOMBSHELL! Of course there fucking wasn’t. Nothing the bulletin raised as budget-night news contained either a bomb or a shell. And certainly not one explained in any shape or form.

Here’s Melissa Downes’s headline leadin at 6pm: “Cost of living relief for all Queenslanders; the Treasurer delivers a make or break budget”.

When the story ran after some six minutes, the word BOMBSHELL did not pass Charles Croucher’s unchapped lips. He mentioned a couple of budget announcements that possibly hadn’t been flagged before – power bill rebates to all households and an increase in Commonwealth rent assistance to those already being helped in that area – but nothing even remotely resembling a BOMBSHELL!

We’ve often also remarked that this fiction-writer is possibly undertaking their “craft” in a production booth at the LNP Queensland’s headquarters rather than at the Nine News studio, and this latest effort just about fits into that category. A budget revelation so shocking that viewers should consider installing Peter Dutton as PM at the earliest possible opportunity?

So, where is it going to end with this click-baitery of our promologist who simply can’t help themselves.

“Tonight, we explain the federal budget BOMBSHELL! that will have you living in your cars!”

“Tonight, we explain the federal budget BOMBSHELL that will make you want to go out and buy a 12-gauge shotgun and blow your fucking head off!”

How far away are we from clickbait bullshit like that? Puffed up, pathetic, promos that would make even The Daily Mail blush?

So we repeat our heartfelt advice to Nine News Queensland. Get rid of this prick or prickette. Send them packing to where they belong…. writing over-the-top, “the whole world will come to a standstill”; “Australia held its breath” teases for MAFS or The New Summit.

Maybe they should be shunted sideways immediately to help out whoever does the promos for Sixty Minutes!

“Her fake cancer shocked Australia”.

“Staggering new revelations!”

“The most revealing interview of the year!”

For fuck’s sake, Nine News Queensland. If you still have any pride in the service you provide, get rid of this snakeoil salesperson who’s not a journalist’s arsewipe.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com