Court delivers Trump poll boost

NEW YORK: Donald Trump appears set to return to the White House following a jump in his approval ratings overnight linked to his ongoing appearances at the Manhattan Criminal Court.

The former US President is facing possible jail time if found guilty of having falsified business records by claiming as business expenses “hush money” paid to cover up an alleged sexual encounter with former porn star Stormy Daniels for fear any revelation would damage his political career.

As the court was assembling overnight Australian time for another full day of hearings Mr Trump entered the court room totally naked and carrying a cat. (main picture)

Knowing that reporters were able to record the moment because Judge Juan Merchan had not yet entered the room, he repeatedly and theatrically began grabbing at the cat while winking and blowing kisses to Ms Daniels whom he had instructed his legal team to recall as a witness.

When the judge arrived he immediately and forcefully told Mr Trump’s lawyer that his client’s lack of clothing was a clear contempt of court.

“I have no hesitation in right now, immediately, issuing a heavy and severe …. warning to your client,” Judge Merchan said.

“If he persists tomorrow I will have no hesitation in considering issuing another possible warning,” he added before proceeding with the hearing.

As Ms Daniels took the stand Mr Trump loudly broke wind and closed his eyes, apparently sleeping.

After a few minutes he woke suddenly and began scratching his groin then leaned back in his chair and began masturbating while making rapid licking motions with his tongue at Ms Daniel in the witness box.

He did not stop even as Judge Merchan called court proceedings to a halt to tell Mr Trump’s lawyer that he would issue another warning if the former President continued pleasuring himself.

Mr Trump ignored his lawyer’s whispered advice to stop and continued wanking while winking at Ms Daniels as nearby courtroom sketch artists worked furiously to capture the scene.

The sketches completed by the artists in record time were not available for publication, as their pastel images were ruined after being soaked by Mr Trump’s ejaculate.

Before adjourning the court to allow cleaners to sanitise the area, Judge Merchan told Mr Trump’s legal counsel that he would “seriously consider” issuing another warning if the ex-President’s behaviour, “or at least his aim”, did not improve.

A range of opinion polls taken immediately after news broke of Mr Trump’s courtroom conduct showed a significant rise in voter approval, putting him on track to win the November presidential election.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com