Brisbane Bolts’ star centre forge gouger Dick “Big Dick” Dick has had internal JDG charges against him dropped following allegations that he made “highly offensive homophobic slurs” against an opposing player during a weekend match.
The Bolts destroyed the Adelaide Anuses 1439.222 to 2910.395 in a fiery match at Adelaide’s Thunderlax Suppositories Stadium with Dick (pictured above at a recent court appearance on an unrelated matter) being sent off in the seventh stanza after Adelaide player, the late Quentin “Petal” Gaylord, (pictured below at a recent court appearance on an unrelated matter) reported the alleged remarks to centre-quad circle referee, the late Doug “Blind As A” Batt.
Dick appeared last night at a JDG judiciary hearing in Sydney where he defended himself based on the principal argument that his alleged remarks – suppressed by the judiciary committee chair, former JDG chair Sir Doris “Pus” Tuile (below) – were not capable of being homophobic because Gaylord “was definitely not a shirt-lifter”.
Dick said because of Gaylord’s untimely mysterious death yesterday morning it was impossible for the committee to secure first-hand evidence from Gaylord to disprove the assertion.
Dick also argued that the committee also could not disprove his claim that Gaylord had told him at some time in the past that prior to starting his JDG playing career he had actually worked for a period as a packer at a fudge factory.
Questioned by committee members about a specific alleged on-field remark, Dick asserted that the comment in question was not homophobic.
He said he had merely recommended to Gaylord that he (Gaylord) should relax after the game by smoking a cigarette but had employed the colloquialism of “go suck on a fag”.
At the end of proceedings Sir Doris said the committee had no choice but to dismiss the charges against Dick, especially since first-hand evidence was also not available from referee Butt because he too had suddenly died yesterday in mysterious circumstances.
Located just prior to entering a Banyo massage parlour, the CEO of the Brisbane Bolts, Terry Verandah, told reporters that Dick should never have referred to the JDG’s judiciary committee.
“It was always a pack of lies – and I say that with all due respect to the unfortunately recently diseased… I mean deceased Gaylord ,” he said while suppressing a laugh.
“Now all of you open-sored syphilitic maggots should fuck off and let a bloke get a rub and tug,” he said while lashing out wildly at reporters with the jagged remnants of a wine bottle he had smashed .
When contacted later, head coach of the Brisbane Bolts, Jack Saunders, played down the weekend incident and the subsequent judiciary proceedings.
“It was just a bit of high-jinks,” he said. “Just some good natured horseplay.”
Disclaimer: The Bug has been a long-term supporter and sponsor of the Brisbane Bolts.
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