The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

There would have been very few people at Rockhampton’s Beef Week over recent days who would have taken any real interest in the many pizzles on show. That’s beef penises by the way.

Okay, okay. A bit unfair. A lot of kids in their baby Akubras and their city cousins might have pointed and snickered but that’s the curiosity of the young, right?

But this column has no idea why the ABC’s Annabel Crabb took such an interest in the things (artist’s impression at top) as evidenced by the long colour piece she penned for Aunty and posted at 5am on Wednesday, especially the intro as shown below.

Pizzle to sizzle, indeed!

The washed-up old hacks who compile this column appreciate it must be hard when you’re arguably the Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s go-to feature writer, especially one who was also regarded as Aunty’s most charismatic on-screen presence until Tony Armstrong came along.

So we can certainly forgive her for perhaps going over the top just a wee (sorry, cheap shot!) bit in trying for just a bit too much colour. Indeed, too addicted (sorry again) to that colour rush? And to be fair to Annabel, “from paddock to plate” has been done to death. But “pizzle to sizzle”? The equally nicely rhyming “cock to wok” didn’t come to her? That surely would have seen the blue riband for literary genius placed around her lovely neck.

It was quite rainy up at Beef Week so maybe Annabel meant to key in “drizzle to sizzle” which would have made a little bit more sense. Not much but just a little.

Still, her mention of the beef pizzle certainly brought fond memories to one of our column compilers. It’s long gone but there used to be a famous eatery called Friday’s down at Eagle Street in the Brisbane CBD and he still fondly remembers the 400gram Angus pizzle he had there one lunch in the 1980s.

Medium rare it was, with chips and fresh spring vegetables and a perfect pepper sauce, on the side of course.

Yummy!

His dining partner that day had the medium-to-well-done Angus pizzle pizzled … sorry, drizzled…. in a light and creamy béarnaise sauce that neither looked all that good nor went down a treat the way he had hoped.

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