SYDNEY: For the second time in a month large parts of inner-Sydney are in lockdown following another massive outbreak of explosive diarrhoea at the Surry Hills headquarters of News Crap Australia.

NSW Police said ambulances, bulldozers, and biohazard response teams had again rushed to the Holt Street building after news broke that Australia had voted overnight to help pass a United Nations’ resolution giving limited extra rights to its Palestinian delegation which currently has only observer status.

“Work is under way to clear the site of huge volumes of human faeces which officers at the scene advise have originated largely from the newsroom of The Australian,” the police spokesperson said. (main picture)

“I am also advised that although the UN vote doesn’t give Palestinian delegates the right to vote at the UN nor formally recognises a Palestinian state, it was sufficient to trigger a complete loss of bowel control by just about every single Righter at The Australian, which is pretty much everyone in the building.”

A month ago dozens of blocks around Holt Street were evacuated and cordoned off after a similar eruption of diarrhoea in The Australian’s newsroom erupted after Foreign Minister Penny Wong floated the idea of Australia recognising a Palestinian state at some time in the future.

Eyewitnesses at the scene this morning reported seeing several senior Righters including Greg Sheridan and Gerard Henderson being taken out of the building on stretchers.

“They looked really emaciated as if they had shat out their entire bodily contents, organs and all,” one told The Bug.

“While both of them clearly still hadn’t got their bowels under control, as they were being stretchered through their own knee-deep faeces they were busy tapping away on their laptops and reading aloud their thundering denunciations of what they described as the UN and Australia’s antisemitic and pro-Hamas stand.

“It was quite a sight seeing them and others oozing shit from both ends, not just their mouths as usual,” the eyewitness said.

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