ACTION ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

CANBERRA: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has bounced back from criticism over his appearance at an anti-domestic violence rally here last weekend with the announcement of a strong new commitment now being lauded widely by activists pushing for action against this national scourge.

Flanked by the Minister for Women Katy Gallagher and Arts Minister Tony Burke, Mr Albanese declared it would soon be a criminal offence for the songs, Tom Dooley, Banks of the Ohio and Delilah to be played “in any form and on any platform or venue” throughout the Commonwealth.

“Who knows how much damage has been caused in this country by these disgusting songs that go back many decades and which have clearly signalled to mindless morons out there that it’s okay to murder by knife attack former partners or love interests who have rebuffed their advances,” Mr Albanese said.

As Mr Albanese made his announcement, Mr Burke produced a guitar he kept in his ministerial office and played excerpts from each song to emphasise their wickedness.

From Tom Dooley, the 19th century American fable of a man due to be hanged for killing a beautiful woman in a love triangle with a man called Grayson, and made famous by the Kingston Trio in 1958, Burke warbled:

I met her on the mountain. There I took her life.
Met her on the mountain. Stabbed her with my knife.
This time tomorrow. Reckon where I’ll be.
Hadn’t-a been for Grayson, I’d-a been in Tennessee.

From the 1971 hit, Banks of the Ohio, by our very own Olivia Newton-John, the minister sang in a very reasonable voice:

Down by the banks of the Ohio (the Ohio)
I held a knife against his breast
As into my arms he pressed
He cried, “My love, don’t you murder me”
I’m not prepared for eternity
And only say that you’ll be mine
In no other’s arms entwine.

Tony Burke finished off his impromptu set with an excerpt from Tom Jones’s big hit Delilah from 1967:

At break of day when that man drove away I was waiting
I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door
She stood there laughing
I felt the knife in my hand and she laughed no more.

To be fair, though, Jones should not feel his career, albeit now nearing its end, could be threatened in any way by Burke’s effort on this track.

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