Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has expressed his dismay at being “snubbed” by the Liberal Party when it composed a special advisory committee to lift the number of its female MPs in federal parliament.

His Lordship summoned media representatives to his family seat Pout House where he responded to news that the party had recently launched the Dame Margaret Guilfoyle Network to encourage more Liberal women to consider a political career. (below)

Speaking at reporters in Pout House’s east wing drawing room, Lord Downer noted that the new Foundation included an eight-member advisory committee.

“I would have been a natural to lead or, at minimum, serve on that advisory committee because I have done more than anyone in the Liberal Party to increase the number of Liberal Party female MPs by at least one,” His Lordship said.

“Indeed it has been my full-time mission to see my dear darling daughter Lady Georgina take up her rightful place in our federal parliament where she belongs,” he said while revealing to reporters a new official portrait he had prepared for Her Ladyship’s next campaign. (main picture)

“Alas, so far my efforts have not borne fruit because of the inexplicable reliance of our political system on so-called ‘elections’ that apparently rely on so-called ‘voters’ casting so-called ‘votes’.

“Gadzooks man, does nobody in this nation – which incidentally was built entirely by my family – no longer adhere to the sacred principle of a hereditary parliament?” an agitated Lord Downer bellowed before shaping his lips into a severe purse and breathing noisily through his nose for at least a minute.

His Lordship then turned his attention to the new Foundation’s advisory committee.

“The network itself is rightly named after Dame Margaret Guilfoyle yet those in charge of the party I once led so magnificently chose eight untitled individuals as an advisory committee,” he said before shaking his noble head in apparent disbelief before beginning to swoon but saving himself by inhaling deeply from a nosegay he drew from a laced cuff.

“In addition, not only did my own party snub me and my talents and experience, but the so-called ‘advisory’ committee is made up almost entirely of women. What would they know about this matter?

“Luckily one of the committee members is a man, albeit a commoner – one Peter Credlin I am told.

“I do not know much of that chap but his presence means there is hope yet that sense will prevail and that my dear Georgina will at last take her rightful place in our federal parliament and go on to lead the Liberal Party as I did through its greatest era, the Downer Years,” he declared before cutting a look at reporters who had begun laughing when one among them whispered loudly: “ He means the Downer three-quarters of a year.”

At that His Lordship called an end to the news conference and directed several Pout House under-footmen holding leashed hounds to escort the media representatives off the estate at once.

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