A former Australian prime minister and leader of the federal Liberal Party has made a dramatic appearance to warn his and other conservative parties against lurching further to the right of the political spectrum.

The late Sir Robert Menzies who died aged 83 in 1978 used a Ouija board to summon media representatives to his final resting place at Melbourne General Cemetery at midnight last night where he issued his plea. (main picture)

“I am speaking to you tonight, or this morning as it may be, on behalf of other deceased conservative leaders from around the world,” Sir Robert said.

He went on to explain that he had been elected from among the group of late leaders as General Head of Spiritual Tories (GHOST) to act as their spokesperson.

“I speak to you as GHOST on behalf of people such as the late Sir Winston Churchill, leader of the UK Conservatives, fighter of Fascism, and noted nudist, as well as the late Ronald Reagan who, as you all recognise, was once thought to be a dangerous arch right-winger but is now viewed as being rather moderate compared to those currently leading his Republican Party in the United States.

“As GHOST I have a message to all UK Conservatives, US Republicans, and those in the Liberal Party of Australia. – a party I perhaps need to remind you that I founded.

“That message is very simple – what the fuck are you all doing?

“Every man jack of you seem to be moving further and further to the right, which is wrong. “You all seem to prioritise useless but destructive culture wars and appeals to the worst aspects of people’s political motivations just to gain votes.

“I for one never wanted my Liberal Party to be the miasma of negativity, authoritarianism, and religious fundamentalism that I see today when I look down from my current residence. Yeah, I’m looking at you Mister Potato Head!

“Winnie has the same view of his own Tory successors in Britain, and despite widespread assumptions to the contrary, Ronny still remembers the glory days of his Republican Party when it was a relatively moderate organisation that appealed to the middle ground of US politics, not the extreme and racist right as it does today.

“So on behalf of them and others I simply wish to say to all conservatives: For fuck’s sake wake up to yourselves and get back to the sensible middle ground,” Sir Robert said before vanishing in a puff of sulphurous smoke.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com