BRISBANE: Former Lord Mayor Graham Quirk has apologised to the city council’s administration for incorporating the council’s cleat as part of the booklet design when he presented his 2032 Brisbane Olympics Stadium Review findings yesterday.

The cleat is the council’s intellectual property of alternate rectangles of blue and yellow down the left hand side of official council documents, be it printed or online material. It must not be used for political purposes.

“I really do sincerely apologise for doing that,” Mr Quirk said. “I don’t know what came over me in asking my graphic designers to incorporate the cleat as part of my final report booklet.

“It’s just a compete brainfade on my part. I must have thought I was still Lord Mayor and campaigning for reelection in either 2012 or 2016.

“It won’t happen again.”

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K’GARI: The Queensland State Government and national park wildlife rangers believe they have come up with the perfect solution to the growing number of dingo attacks on the world-famous heritage-listed attraction formerly known as Fraser Island.

“We just can’t go on euthanising these amazing native dogs every time they take a nip out of tourists,” a state government spokesperson said.

“For that reason, we have decided to extract all the teeth from the island’s adult dingo population.

“Tourists will then be able to purchase reasonably priced food dishes of a nutritious gruel to feed the dingos in complete safety and pat them to their heart’s content.”

“It really is a win-win situation for both humans and their amazing native co-inhabitants on K’gari.”

Removal of the teeth of all the island’s adult dingoes is expected to cost close to $800,000. Each new generation will be defanged at the appropriate time as they grow into adulthood and become sexually active and cheeky in more ways than one.

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BRISBANE: Freshly reelected Lord Mayor Adrian Schrinner has announced he has changed his surname by deed poll overnight to Cleatus.

And why? He wants to fully recognise the role the Brisbane City Council’s intellectual property – its cleat of alternate rectangles of blue and yellow down the left hand side of official council documents, be it printed or online material – has played in his reelection and his Schrinner Team members.

“Lord Mayor Adrian Cleatus has a certain ring to it, hasn’t it?” Alderman Cleatus told The Bug this morning.

“And look, I know Saturday’s vote showed me the clear winner in the lord-mayoralty race, but you must never underestimate the crucial role played by using the council’s cleat and putting into voters’ minds, even if only subliminally, that myself and all my council candidates are the council’s natural party of choice and are endorsed by it.”

“I think that over the last two decades, the LNP Queensland and the Brisbane City Council have established themselves as one and the same.”

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