Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is reported to be in a critical condition after being rushed to Canberra Hospital last night. (main picture)
A spokesperson for the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) said Mr Albanese was struck by a serious and sudden case of explosive diarrhoea at his official residence The Lodge last night.
“Staff at The Lodge were alerted to his condition – largely by the smell – and called an ambulance which rushed the PM to hospital,” the spokesperson said.
“I can confirm that the episode of explosive diarrhoea hit the PM soon after he was told that the Greens were putting forward a bill giving the nation’s consumer watchdog extra powers to break up Coles and Woolworths – which between them control an estimated 65% of the nation’s grocery market – if they are proved to be misusing their duopoly market powers by unfairly lifting prices or blocking competition.
“As soon as he heard the news the PM just shat himself. The attack was triggered by the mere thought of backing a move to give powers to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission that are pretty much standard and unremarkable in a lot of other countries such as the UK and USA.
“It only got worse when he was told the Nationals were supporting the Greens’ move.
“I’m reliably informed that it was not a pretty sight – very much at the Engadine end on the scale of involuntary pants-browning.”
Mr Albanese issued a written statement from his hospital bed pointing to his comments in January at the time he announced a review by former Labor Party minister Craig Emerson into the food and grocery code of conduct.
“I stand by my comments that allegations that supermarket giants like Coles and Woolworths aren’t passing on savings to customers are completely unacceptable,” the statement said.
“I am confident that the Emerson review will put an end to these allegations.”
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
The Bug Online 