THE WORD IS BASTARD!

The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

So, just how sensitive are viewers of Nine News Queensland’s 6pm bulletin out of Brisbane?

Just how much in need of protection are they from life’s gritty and sinister ways is the question this column’s compilers asked after the bulletin on Thursday night heard an update on Sam Kerr’s charge of racially insulting an English policeman?

The bulletin’s European correspondent Edward Godfrey (above) explained that it had now been revealed that Kerr spent time in “a police custody suite” on the night she allegedly threw up in a taxi, argued over the fare and hurt the feelings of that officer called to the scene.

Godfery said of Kerr: “…she’s accused of calling a police officer a stupid white b-word”.

B-word, Edward? Just how many impressionable young things do you think are watching your typical Nine News Queensland bulletin?

The answer is f-word all! Nine News Queensland is primarily watched by old people dying…. sorry, let’s finish that sentence even though they are … dying to see a change in the state government over the rampant youth crime the bulletin bangs on about night after f-word night!

Bastard was the word, Edward! Shout it out proudly to the world. We know your Nine News Queensland audience are b-worders old enough to take it.

**

Until recently, the compilers of Mediocre Bytes – and that includes one hopeless cricket tragic – had never heard of a cricket Test being described as “nail-biting” when the result was an innings defeat.

That’s right. India won the fifth test earlier this month against England by an innings and 64 runs, and the Weird …. sorry …. Wide World of Sports called it nailbiting.

We can only assume that the large Indian crowd was on the edge of their seats with fists clenched tightly as the tension mounted and they pondered just how big their home side’s victory would turn out to be. An innings and 80 runs? An innings and 52 runs? The stress must have been unbearable!

Okay, maybe we’re being unfair. Maybe it was nailbiting because the Test was very late into its fifth and final day and “nailbiting” was totally warranted as the crowd feared the Pommy tailenders could hold out for a totally undeserved draw?

Well, no. This “nailbiting” result happened in the second session of day three!

***

And, finally, a big cheerio to Savannah Meacham and William Ton who on the AAP’s online site this morning while reporting on the result of yesterday’s municipal poll in Brisbane had this to declare of Brisbane Lord Mayor Adrian Schrinner’s performance four years ago.

As you can see from the 2020 results, Mediocre Bytes is left to ponder what Schrinner’s LNP Queensland mob would need to do to have a landslide win in the river city.

Maybe our intrepid reporters think winning 19 out of 26 wards was just a little bit nailbiting, like that Test cricket outcome?

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