Donald Trump says the US Supreme Court (main picture) did not go far enough in its decision striking down moves by some states to declare he is unfit to be on ballots for the 2024 presidential election.

In a seven-hour speech at a Make America Great Again, Again rally in Alabama, Mr Trump said the court needed to “finish the job” and declare him the winner of the upcoming election and President for life.

“I think it’s a great decision, the best decision any court anywhere in the world has taken on any matter whatsoever,” he said. “But they need to go further and make a decision that will stop sleepy corrupt criminal demented sex pest Joe Biden from stealing the November election – again.

“Joe Biden – or should I say Joe Bidet because I know he has lost total control of his own bowels – is intent on repeating his 2020 effort and become an unelected tyrant destroying our country.

“Only I can stop him, but I need to Supreme Court to help me do it. They need to step up or else I’ll say to all of them: You’re fired!” he yelled, citing his trademark line from his former TV show The Apprentice which prompted the audience to break into lengthy applause, chants of “USA! USA! USA!” and banjo playing.

***

Two of the Liberal Party’s leading women federal politicians have been arrested early this morning after repeatedly banging on the door of the Australian Electoral Commission’s Victorian office and demanding it declare their candidate Nathan Conroy elected as the new member for Dunkley in Melbourne’s south-east.

They are the Member for Farrer in NSW, Sussan Ley, and Victorian Senator Jane Hume. Both have been charged with disturbing the peace and general affray and were still in police custody as this post was being readied for upload.

“The Liberal Party has had an amazing outcome in Dunkley,” Sussan Ley was heard to shout repeatedly as she banged on the AEC’s door around 7.48am to no avail. “It’s a fantastic result – the best for the Victorian Liberal Party for at least a decade – and Nathan needs to be rewarded for his efforts.”

Senator Hume was also heard to shout repeatedly: “At close of counting last night, Nathan had 34,172 primary votes and held 47.37 per cent of the two-party preferred vote and if that’s not a winning lead, I don’t know what is!”

Ley repeatedly shouted: “Open up! You people would have all seen how excited Jane and I were over our amazing victory on Saturday night. Doing the right thing and declaring him the winner will show that Melbourne is well and truly on the way to restoring its image as the jewel in the Liberal Party’s crown!”

Both women chanted: “We’re in the box seat – we’re on the springboard for victory – for government next election if this winning 3.7 per cent swing in Dunkley on Saturday night is replicated across the country at the next federal poll” as Victorian police lead them away.

***

Meanwhile, Opposition Leader Peter Dutton has rejected claims that he should have continued last-minute campaigning on cost-of-living issues in Dunkley rather than fly to Perth and back last Thursday night to spend just one hour at billionaire mining magnate Gina Rinehart’s 70^th birthday party.

“Nothing I did at that stage of the by-election campaign would have changed the Liberal Party victory evident in the results on Saturday night,” Mr Dutton said.

“If anything my trip showed I am more in touch with people facing everyday cost-of-living struggles than Anthony Albanese.

“After all I’m not the one who snubbed an elderly woman’s modest efforts to mark a milestone birthday while she struggles with her own cost of living pressures – pressures made worse by the Albanese Government’s insistence that people like her with just a handful of mines and just a few billion in the bank must pay wages and taxes.

“It just shows how out of touch Anthony Albanese and the Labor Party are with the grassroots of our nation,” he said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com