Management of the Brisbane Bolts has made representations to the national JDG to secure the club’s place in next year’s showcase season opener in Las Vegas.

Acting JDG chair, Sir Marian “Licker” Groyne, said doubts about the club’s inclusion in the 2025 event arose at the weekend after three of its players were prevented from taking the field because they had been detained by police.

A spokesperson for the Las Vegas Police Department (LVPD) confirmed that three of the Brisbane club’s star players – (clockwise from top left above) left-line grouter Ivor “Big Tool” O’Toole,  first back-rack sketcher, Hugh “Huge Dick” Smith, and centre ground right planer Dick “No Nickname” Bigg – had been arrested in an incident at a restaurant in the city’s Chinatown on the eve of their match against the Perth Prostates which the WA team won 19.34/98 to 65.0987/3.

The LVPD spokesperson said the players had been arrested and charged after complaints from restaurant staff and customers.

“When the three men front court today they will be facing charges of indecent behaviour, engaging in racial abuse, as well as several charges of animal cruelty,” the spokesperson said.

The Bug understands the players were heavily intoxicated when they shed their clothes before entering the Chinese restaurant where they allegedly made ethnic slurs against staff members, engaged in what the LVPD spokesperson described as “solo sex acts”, and also had intercourse with fish taken from the eatery’s live seafood tank.

When located by Australian media crews kerb crawling in West Las Vegas, the Bolts’ CEO Terry Verandah dismissed concerns that the incident could see the Brisbane club ruled out of participation in the 2025 season opened in Las Vegas.

“That’s just a fuckment of your pus-filled syphilitic imaginations, you mangy rectum licking dog dicks,” Mr Verandah told reporters.

“We’ll be back next year. No worries. I’ve already contacted the JDG and left a message for Sir Marian telling him, or her, that if we’re dropped then I’ve got the snaps of him, or her, and that shaved and bay-oiled shetland pony in a sling in that Kings Cross dive to sprinkle around like confetti to all of you clap-encrusted rat’s taints,” he said before pulling a large handgun on reporters which he said he had just bought at a nearby 7-11 store.

When contacted, head coach of the Bolts, Jack Saunders, dismissed criticism of the behaviour of the three Bolts’ players.

“It was just a bit of high-jinks,” he said. “Just some good-natured horseplay.”

Disclaimer: The Bug has been a long-term supporter and sponsor of the Brisbane Bolts.

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