Today I can break a globally exclusive story about new awards for actors and moviemakers to be offered from next year following a milestone agreement struck by the industry bodies responsible for existing major awards.

The best-known US-based big and small-screen awards, the Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Emmys, the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards, and the Producers Guild of America (PGA) Awards as well as the British Academy of Film and Television Arts Awards (BAFTAS) are behind the move.

Sources within the organisations tell me that the concept of the new awards was thrashed out at an unprecedented meeting of representatives of all of the organisations held in Hollywood recently.

“The meeting was called because of the unprecedented criticism this year in media outlets worldwide and online about actors and movies being ‘snubbed’ by award judges,” a source familiar with the meeting told me.

“This year there seems to have been an avalanche of discontent that some actors didn’t get a nomination for or didn’t win a best actor award for a particular role, or that a specific movie didn’t score a nomination or an award for best picture. (below)

“It’s been a constant theme so far in this year’s awards season, and the Oscars haven’t even happened yet, so get ready for more ‘snubs’ being reported on social media and elsewhere.

“The upshot of the recent meeting was a whole new awards scheme called the Shut the Fuck Up (STFU) Awards. (main picture)

“The STFU Awards will hopefully silence critics of the current awards by giving a gong to any actor and any movie nominated.

“Obviously to achieve that outcome there will be several dozen and possibly hundreds of award categories for actors, ranging from the traditional ‘best actor’ and ‘outstanding performance’ awards down to ‘pretty good actor’ and ‘not too bad a performance’ and ‘they seemed to remember their lines’ awards.

“The same will go for movies. There’ll be a ‘best picture’ category as well as many, many more such as ‘not a total waste of a ticket price’ and ‘at least it gave a job to the crew for a few months’ awards,” my source told me.

The first STFU Awards are expected to be staged in 2025 after all the existing big award shows are out of the way so that any actors and movies who missed out can be rewarded and force professional and self-appointed critics to shut the fuck up.

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