We have often lamented in our two media columns – Media Glass House and Mediocre Bytes – that rarely a Nine News Queensland 6pm bulletin goes past that doesn’t provide solid copy for a pisstake.

Pre-bulletin promos that bare fuck all resemblance to what’s actually said in the bulletin; poor Andrew Lofthouse and Melissa Downes forced to read out stuff that’s clearly not true. Banners and straps that are overblown and basically bullshit.

So, let’s turn to last night’s bulletin then, shall we?

At top and below is what the station’s graphic artist conjured up to accompany a story on a brawl on the Gold Coast.

Now this is one occasion where it’s not Andrew or Melissa or indeed the reporter getting the facts wrong.

Andrew’s intro: “A bizarre video has emerged of a brawl on the Gold Coast; an almost naked man outnumbered in a Burleigh Heads park.”

Reporter Jessica Worboys: “A group of what looked to be teenagers ganging up on the near-nude man as he was pulling up his underwear”

Don’t you like the “bare naked” double emphasis by our graphics person. But it’s off to Specsavers for that person: for the entire brawl, the man was wearing his undies! The bottom-line – sorry about that! – is that a man in his undies is neither bare not naked.

So why does Nine News Queensland do this sort of thing? You deadset have to wonder some times if this sort of overblown, unprofessional treatment – the rampant hyperbole and the trashing of the basic facts associated with journalism practised well – is done on purpose. Someone walking through the TV room will see the “bare naked” banner and stop and watch?

And can anyone guess why, during the brawl, the man’s undies remain pixilated? An undies brand name that doesn’t advertise with the Nine Network?

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We said a few days back how hurt we were that Nine News Queensland has refused to adopt our heartfelt plea and stop using the word “incredible” when the story they are reading/presenting is totally, absolutely, 100 per cent believable.

Let’s run on last night’s tape and barely – sorry! – past the “bare naked” yarn and here’s Melissa Downes: “Incredible footage has been released from the RACQ LifeFlight rescue helicopter of the moment three stranded boaties are rescued, found clinging to the hull of their capsized boat.”

No! No! No! to whoever got poor Melissa to read that out that tosh. There was nothing incredible about the footage of that helicopter’s crew doing their job. There was nothing incredible about the crew lowering ropes that helped the men get back into their boat.

And there was nothing incredible about water police being directed to the boaties to then guide the trio back to shore.

That’s unless, of course, you consider it incredible that the RACQ LifeFlight rescue helicopter and the water police were filmed actually doing their jobs?

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