SYDNEY: Opposition Leader Peter Dutton says he is negotiating with Taylor Swift’s management to hopefully secure a spot as support act at her remaining Australian concerts.

“I’ve been doing all I can to get the message out to the world that the Albanese Government has failed on border protection and that the doors to our nation are wide open if people smugglers want to send boats of asylum seekers our way,” Mr Dutton said during a lunchtime performance on the Opera House forecourt in Sydney.

“For instance, here at the Opera House I can spread the word to international visitors who can pass it on to their friends and families overseas.

“But I’d really like to reach a far bigger global audience and Taylor Swift’s current Eras tour concerts seem to me the best way to do that right now,” he said.

***

MOSCOW: The Russian Government has agreed to release the body of Alexei Navalny to his family. The country’s opposition leader, 47, died of sudden death syndrome while serving a 19-year jail term about 40 miles north of the Arctic Circle.

His body will be released in stages over coming days.

***

BRISBANE: The Brisbane Broncos management has finalised plans to keep its team safe from trouble on the eve of the flight to their Las Vegas opening-round NRL clash against the Sydney Roosters on March 2.

In order to safely take part in this exciting, first-time, promotional event in America’s notorious sin city, players will be flown to the US chained to the fuselage panels of a chartered Hercules transport plane and will be shackled at all times while on the ground, including to their bunks at especially selected dormitory-style hostel accommodation.

They will be transported to and from the game in blacked-out former army transport vehicles.

While all these precautions should ensure the Broncos team players never get to interact with any US civilians while on the ground, let alone prostitutes, drug dealers and alcohol sellers, it is understood several of the team’s randier players who love getting on the piss but who were also desperate to take part in the tour have agreed to be castrated prior to their departure.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com