Fears are held for the welfare of Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills after he collapsed on being told he had lost a prestigious international position originally bestowed on him in recognition of his unique political insights and analysis.

Reports from his family seat Pout House reveal that His Lordship is abed and in a condition described by his physicians as “seriously miffed”. (main picture)

It is understood that Lord Downer fell into a deep swoon on receipt of a message that he had lost his longstanding position as Patron of the International Sophistry Society (PISS).

His Lordship has held the honorary position unchallenged since 2003 when it was bestowed on him by the International Sophistry Society (ISS) for his public statements as the nation’s then foreign minister declaring that anyone opposing that year’s US-led invasion of Iraq was a supporter of Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

His Lordship’s collapse followed receipt of a message at Pout House yesterday advising that the ISS had dumped him as its Patron and instead installed Gerard Henderson, columnist for News Crap Australia’s national broadshit The Australian.

A Pout House spokesperson said the news was a devastating blow to His Lordship.

“Lord Downer was led to believe that he would be PISS for life, given his unrivalled, longstanding, and well-recognised services to sophistry,” the spokesperson said.

“The letter from the ISS came as a shock to His Lordship given that only last week he had received a congratulatory message from the society applauding him on his assertion that criticisms by the Australian Greens of the Israeli Government’s military tactics in Gaza equate to antisemitism.” (below)

In a public statement issued this morning, the ISS said it had decided to install a new Patron and had chosen Mr Henderson.

“Mr Henderson’s career is a testament to sophistry but his latest effort made him a natural choice to replace Lord Downer as our Patron,” the statement said, referencing Mr Henderson’s recent online column critical of the ABC’s three-part Nemesis series examining the prime ministerships of Tony Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull, and Scott Morrison. (below)

In his column Mr Henderson dismissed the series as being “seriously incomplete” as a record of the three Coalition governments.

He based his view on the fact that the series did not include the views of Tony Abbott, current Opposition Leader Peter Dutton, Abbott’s chief of staff Peta Credlin, her husband and “Liberal Party operative” Brian Loughnane, and many others whom, Henderson noted “did not appear on the program” because they had all declined to be interviewed.

“In this sense, Nemesis was a fail,” Henderson declared.

The ISS statement said Henderson’s column was “a masterpiece of sophistry” because he had blamed the ABC for not including in the Nemesis series people who had refused to be included.

“This is, dare we say, sophistry beyond even the level Lord Downer has exhibited throughout his career,” the ISS statement said. “We welcome Gerard Henderson as PISS and look forward to his expected lengthy tenure in the position.”

When contacted, Mr Henderson said he had no time to comment on his new position as he was, as usual, monitoring all radio, TV, and online ABC channels as he did all day and every day. (below)

Latest reports from Pout House said His Lordship had succumbed to catalepsy after several hours spent wailing and was being treated with regular poultices and – at his insistence – hourly clysters.

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