The JDG is seeking to block possible criminal charges or deportation orders against two Brisbane Bolts’ players currently in the USA for a demonstration game after they allegedly frightened children and teaching staff at a Los Angeles primary school.

The Brisbane Bolts landed in Los Angeles at the weekend as part of a concerted campaign by the JDG to promote the code to American sports fans through a special series of demonstration games.

Other teams involved in the US showcase series are the Sydney Scrotums, the Melbourne Masturbators, the Perth Prostates, and the recently established Tasmanian-based team the Van Diemen Vas Deferens.

Acting chair of the JDG, Sir Patricia Vera-Lynn, said a lot was at stake and the charging or deportation of any players could harm the big event.

“We’ve put a lot of effort into our promotional games and we’ve managed to attract major sponsors including online gambling companies, as well as some big name pay-day lending firms, and some high-profile repossession agents,” Sir Patricia said.

“We plan to make this a regular event and next time we come to LA we’ll be bringing a number of JDGW teams like the Darwin D-Cups, the Geelong G-Spots, the Hobart Holes, and the Launceston Labias.

“So the last thing we need during our inaugural round of US-based games is for any of our players to be charged by police or deported back to Australia,” he said.

Sir Patricia said the Bolts’ left-flank end grinder, John “Huge Dick” Smith, and backfield right wedger, Dick “No Nickname” Bigg, (left to right in main picture) had been questioned by police after complaints from a Los Angeles primary school.

“It appears the two players went to lunch yesterday with other players and were returning to their hotel on foot around 8.00am this morning when they walked past the school,” he explained.

“One of them thought it would be funny to play a prank on the kids at the school so he went to a nearby gun shop and bought two assault rifles, ammunition, and two black balaclavas.”

Sir Patricia said he would not go into details about what happened next since the facts of the case may yet be the subject of legal argument in a possible court case.

When located leaving a pay-by-the-hour motel in downtown LA, CEO of the Brisbane Bolts, Terry Verandah, refused to comment on the incident.

“You syphilitic intestinal worms in the media can eat my shit,” Mr Verandah said while reaching into his own trousers to retrieve handfuls of faeces which he hurled at reporters.

“These two blokes, like all JDG players, are great role models and tremendous ambassadors for Australia.

“So don’t come near me if you dog-fisting bowel-rupturing low-lifes if you just want to beat up a story and tear down these blokes using irrelevancies such as facts,” Mr Veranda said while picking up a nearby wine bottle, smashing its neck off and swinging it wildly while advancing towards reporters.

Head coach of the Brisbane Bolts, Jack Saunders, said on the scale of past incidents involving Brisbane Bolts’ players today’s events were “a minor matter”.

“It was just a bit of hi-jinks – just some good-natured horseplay,” Saunders said.

Disclaimer: The Bug has been a long-term supporter of the Brisbane Bolts.

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