Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has been named as The Bug’s Australian of the Year for 2023.

The award citation praised the former Member for Warringah for his “amazing efforts in defeating the Voice referendum last October by instinctively knowing that the international image of Australians as a decent, caring, people devoted to a fair-go for all became a myth a long time ago”.

“That Mr Abbott successfully argued, albeit with the help of a totally uncritical mainstream media, that a Voice to Parliament for clearly disadvantaged First Nations people was both racist and divisive because white Australians weren’t being offered the same thing is really quite amazing when you think about it.

“Unbelievable, really.

“Headshaking in its audacity given the latest woeful Closing the Gap statistics.”

A beaming yet clearly emotional Mr Abbott received the high honour very early this morning at the Brisbane Entertainment and Convention Centre in South Brisbane – well, just outside it – when sufficient parking spaces were empty to safely set up a few trestle tables and conduct a short but glittering ceremony.

Mr Abbott is pictured above being presented with his award from chair of the judging panel, The Bug’s investment and finance writer, Morrie Bezzle, accompanied/shadowed by a QPS officer ready to return him to Arthur Gorrie Remand Centre.

In a short acceptance speech as Brisbane City Council parking officers started to move in, Mr Abbott said: “Am I very proud of this honour? You bet you are.

“I once said I was the political lovechild of John Howard and Bronwyn Bishop and that’s why I know that John was amazingly successful in turning the bulk of Australians to his own inward-looking, self-centred, divisive and racist persona, one I’ve always fully endorsed.

“I love you John and I’m looking forward to catching up at our next monthly Cardinal George Pell tribute dinner.”

Mr Bezzle said of Mr Abbott’s referendum efforts: “It’s almost insulting to call his basic argument during the campaign dog-whistling really.

“It was a clear and unabashed appeal to the vast number of racists in Australia whose totally illogical, knee-jerk reaction to the Voice was: ‘Yeah! Where’s our voice to address our own lamentable situation when it comes to life expectancy, health issues, financial security, job prospects and home-ownership chances?’

“It was brilliant really. It was like arguing that the aged pension is ageist and divisive because it’s not being offered to young people,” Mr Bezzle said, his own eyes starting to water in admiration of the award recipient’s tactics. “Or that any means-tested government assistance is mean and divisive because it’s not offered equally to the richest of Aussies.

“Mr Abbott’s win gives me ongoing hope that there are so many Australians out there still ripe for being conned … sorry, I mean .. convinced of the merits of the next get-rich-quick scheme I’ll need smart, switched-on, investors for,” Mr Bezzle concluded as he was re-handcuffed and returned to his Wacol home away from home.

Also asked to move on in no-uncertain terms, The Bug‘s AOTY said: “I bet you will. You bet I am.”

Previous winners of the award (below) have been businessman and political operator Clive Palmer for 2018, teenage environmental activist Scomo Turdberg (2019), National Party Senator Bridget McKenzie (2020) for innovation in sports funding, and News Crap Australia columnist James Morrow (2021) for services to political fiction and comedy writing.

Last year the judging panel gave Scott Morrison six AOTY awards for his work in 2022 as prime minister as well as for the five other ministries he assumed during the later stages of his government.

PLEASE NOTE: Unlike another annual quasi-government Aussie of the Year award announced overnight, The Bug honours the outstanding effort of a person in 2023 – things they’ve actually achieved for the nation – not this year when we have no fucking idea what contenders are going to be able to show as they strive for ultimate AOTY glory. Or put another way, what if the whole year goes by without Tony Abbott being given yet another chance to brilliantly show just what he thinks of his fellow Australians?

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