ARSELICKER OF THE MONTH FURORE:

LNP publicity officer Peta Credlin has sent The Bug a series of obscenity-laden emails after the judges of our Arse-Licker for the month of January trophy hinted recently that another Liberal Party copywriter James Morrow had made a strong bid to be The Bug’s first Arselicker of the Month for 2024.

Apart from their roles as senior LNP public relations officers, both Credlin and Morrow in their spare time also pen columns for mastheads across News Crap Australia’s print-media networks and spout nonsense on Sky Views.

Credlin’s blistering attacks on our Arse-Licker judges – and frankly some of them would make a bullocky blush – began after our recent post that, even though the month was only just past its half-way mark, our judges had been blown away by Morrow’s latest efforts at penning Liberal Party advertisements for News Crap Australia turdbloids.

His latest advert published last Wednesday (below, right) tackled the contentious issue of “culture wars” and followed the call by Opposition Leader Peter Dutton for a boycott of national supermarket chain Woolworths in retaliation for its decision not to stock and promote Australia Day merchandise.

Credlin’s response was almost immediate. “You fucking stu..id, s..ily cunts,” she emailed. “Sure, James’s piece was pitch perfect to show the LNP’s true base is now the working poor facing a cost of living crisis but how on earth could you have missed my own contribution (at top) about the same time?

“For fuck’s sake, you bunch of sad-sack, latte-sipping, w.ke-warrior cuntoids couldn’t see a top-shelf ring-mastery display of coit-cleansing if it bit you on your fl..by arseholes.

In a follow-up email, Credlin raged: “I’ve clearly stated that Aussies who drive around on Australia Day with the Aussie flag fluttering from their utes and wearing all sorts of cheap Chinese-made Oz-Day kitsch are this nation’s true patriots and anyone who stupidly decided to live close to a Woolworths store hates Australia!

“I get paid a h…uva lot of fucking money to write this incisive political analysis so I deserve credit for it!”

And in yet another: “Mark my words, if I don’t get the January Arse-Licker gong, you v.ile cunts will be hearing from my fucking law..ers!”

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