THE WOOLLIES OZ DAY BAN CONTROVERSY:

The Bug is proud to present the first, extensive and exclusive interview with federal Opposition Leader Peter Dutton since his controversial call some days ago for Australians to ban Woolworths for not stocking Oz day kitsch to true-blue Aussie patriots.

We tracked Mr Dutton down to a small cave (above) just above one of the two picturesque waterfalls that feature in the twin falls circuit at Springbook National Park.

The Bug: Are you in there, Mr Dutton?

Cave: Silence.

The Bug: We know you’re in there, Mr Dutton. People at the Tallabana picnic area saw you grab a takeaway flat white before making your way down here.

Peter Dutton: Fair cop. What can I help you with?

The Bug: Hiding in a little cave like this adds weight to the general view out here that you’ve gone to ground to avoid any further embarrassment over your Woollies ban?

Peter Dutton: Not at all. My holidays are just about up and I thought this little cave here would not only provide me with some quality me time but have me right on the spot should the scenic rim once again cop a weather battering that could have me on the ground and running within minutes.

The Bug: So you being here has nothing to do with your ill-advised call for the jobs of several hundred thousand Woolworths workers to be put at risk because those stores would not stock shitty, cheap, plastic kitsch because it simply was not economically viable to stock them for sale?

Peter Dutton: How has the reaction been going to my call anyway. The mainstream media still fully in support?

The Bug: Mr Dutton: Of course.

Peter Dutton: No rumblings among my shadow ministry?

The Bug: No, all in lock step. The usual brown-nosers have your back.

Peter Dutton: And is my target group still reacting as expected – the cookers, the conspiracy theorists, the religious nutters, the proud boys, the neo Nazis, the MAGA morons, the bogan bullies and all the rest?

The Bug: What now constitutes the LNP’s core support base?

Peter Dutton: That’s them. Fired up to BillyO?

The Bug: Certainly are. They’ve even vandalised a couple of Woolworths stores.

Peter Dutton: Excellent! We’ve got the 2025 federal election in the bag!

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