PUBLISHING:
God (above) will launch legal action today to obtain a restraining order against former prime minister Scott Morrison (inset above).
The Eternal Supreme Being said her move had been necessary because of the imminent release of Morrison’s new book Plans for Your Good: A Prime Minister’s Testimony of God’s Faithfulness. (below)
“I’ve warned this fraudulent fuckwit many times before about trying to make money off his imagined relationship with me,” an angry Creator of the Universe thundered.
“How many times do I have to say it? I have never heard of this guy and more importantly I’ve never heard from him.
“He repeatedly claims to have a relationship with me, that he talks to me, and that I talk to him. It’s all bullshit.
“That’s why I have decided to seek a restraining order against this lying turd to, hopefully, put an end to his fraudulent claims.”
The Almighty said she had instructed solicitor Dennis Denuto (below) to initiate proceedings today in the Sutherland Local Court in Sydney to obtain an order preventing Morrison from continuing to make claims about their relationship.
Mr Denuto said he would be basing his application on one of his client’s commandments, namely “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain”.
“It’s the fourth, maybe the fifth commandment. I’m not sure. The third?” Mr Denuto said.
“Regardless, it’s certainly the vibe that matters, and that’s what I’ll be telling the magistrate today.”
The All-Powerful All-Seeing Being also took aim at former US vice-president Mike Pence who has penned a foreword to Morrison’s book.
“He’s another wacko making claims about his relationship with me,” she said.
“Once again I’ve never spoken to him, largely because he has explicitly stated that he will not be alone with any woman other than his wife.”
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