The missus and I got a third of the way through Maestro on Netflix some days back and we looked at each other and said “what an overblown, overhyped pile of shit” or words to that effect.

Fair comment too but here’s the rub. As a professional fillum reviewer, am I not duty bound to watch the whole excruciating thing? And if I’m not, surely I have a moral responsibility to award the project five stars out of five?

But I worked out a compromise! If I could only stand a third of this flick, why not award it roughly a third of the maximum and that’s what I’ve done.

So, really, was Maestro all that bad? Well, yes. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Leonard Bernstein’s bi-sexuality nor the extended dialogues with his long suffering wife. And when we finally got down to an assessment of his musical genius, the extended fantasy scenes from On the Town were too much to bear.

When a fillum reviewer bails out before, presumably, similar lengthy treatment for arguably Bernstein’s best work, West Side Story, you know the whole shebang is in a shitload of mediocrity.

I’d much rather end my review here but I’m compelled to explain more fully my low rating for this flick. I’ve imagined that I returned to Netflix and saw it through, so here goes…

Maestro: should have taken my own advice after the early previews. After 2 hours I remain unmoved. Sometimes “public figures” are best left alone. The movie is coy, pretentious, pedestrian, painting a picture of a very boring ruinous marriage. No insights into the legacy of brilliance, his intellectual capacity, the musical landscapes he created, no guilt/remorse for his duplicitous personal choices, the people he tossed aside once he had gotten all he wanted from them…one scene for the wife that got anywhere near the painful life she accepted. I am left feeling I would not have liked Leonard Bernstein if I met him…fortunately I have much of his music that isn’t diminished by that fact. Really, it’s up to you if you want.

So, there you have it …. no WAIT! The previous paragraph I’ve shamelessly petergleesoned from former fillum distribution company PR extraordinaire Tony Preece! Always wondered what it would feel like if I plagiarised someone else’s fine work. It’s an awful feeling but to some people it comes oh so naturally, especially when they claim they didn’t do it on purpose.

Sorry, Tony. Nice assessment and you have my 100 per cent agreement. We rarely disagree.

May 2024 bring everything you and yours hope and deserve from it!

Don Gordon-Brown

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