Warner, iconic item reunited!

SYDNEY: Retiring Test cricket great David Warner has had his prized possession returned to him after it went missing some days ago – his wallet.

Or to be more specific, a priceless, irreplacable item it contained.

An emotional Warner posted a video online this morning, grasping his monogrammed wallet to his chest and speaking in a wavering voice and with glistening eyes as he thanked all those who had worked tirelessly to find not so much the wallet but the invaluable item it contained.

The wallet first went missing when Warner travelled from Melbourne to Sydney for his final appearance at his beloved home ground, the SCG. Qantas worked tirelessly through CCTV footage to see whether the wallet might have been stolen by ground staff during transit, as did Cricket Australia and senior management at the national team’s Sydney digs to see if a ruthless pickpocket had taken Warner’s prized possession.

In the video, Warner proudly displayed the one item in his wallet that meant the world to him – a colour photo with former Prime Minister John Howard,

“I love John Howard,” an emotional Warner blurted out as he shamelessly lost control, throwing kisses at the screen. “Love you, Mr Howard. Always have; always will.”

“Australia will never ever see again a national leader so kind, so thoughtful, so inclusive and as honest as an Aussie summer’s day is long. We were truly blessed to have him as PM for eleven wonderful years,” Warner said, dabbing his eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief.

“There is only one hard copy of this beautiful image and the very thought that I might have lost it made battling so bloody difficult in my first knock in the Sydney Test,” Warner admitted.

Warner, his wallet and that wonderful photo of two smallish people very much in love were relocated when Warner realised very early this morning that he had absent-mindedly put his wallet in his shirt pocket after having a few drinks at the Qantas Lounge at Tullamarine Airport at the end of the second Test against Pakistan.

“I don’t know why I did that because I always put my wallet in my back kick,” Warner added sheepishly, patting the right back pocket of his trousers.

“That was pretty dumb of me, right? Still, Test cricketers don’t get to that level because they loved learning things in primary school. We’re not the sharpest tools in the shed, are we?” added Warner as he kissed his prized photo over and over again.

Warner added that the return of his wallet meant he was spared the daunting task of having to cancel all his credit cards.

“And luckily whoever had my wallet in the days it went missing stole nothing from it, including a small amount of ready cash, including the first dollar I ever earned, and the folded sheet of coarse #36 sandpaper I always carry with me in case of emergencies.”

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